Check out the FEATURE ARCHIVES!!!

• Reviews of Records I Never Actually Listened to 04/01/08
• By John Saleeby
  Panic at the Disco. The Raconteurs. Bob Mould. John doesn't need to listen to 'em to know what he's talking about.
  
  
  
• Underwear on the Outside 04/01/08
  By Tom Waters
  Some people shoot up. Some people smoke crack. But Tom has a serious habit: comic books! He takes pause from his addiction to review the good and the bad.
  
  
  
• A Few Facts of Life04/01/08
  By Johnny Apocalypse
  Johnny offers a few hearty truths, like "the only thing banana flavored that's any good is bananas," and "nature does not like us."
  
  
  
• Paul Reiser's The Thing About My Folks 03/01/08
  By Lujane Crotch
  Lujane reviews a movie by the Maestro of "Mad about You" and still finds time for several child molestation jokes.

   

• Creationism and the Quick Ban 03/01/08
  By Tom Waters
  Tom comments on the strange habits of writers and takes a look back on his career.

   

• Meet the Blaxploitation Superheroes!!! 02/01/08
  By Wil Forbis
  In the 1970's as "Shaft" and "Foxy Brown" raged on screens, Marvel Comics populated their universe with super-soul brothers like Luke Cage, The Black Panther and the Prowler.
  
  
  
• Why It’s A Good Idea Not To Taunt Your Cuisinart 02/01/08
  By Tom Waters
  In the eternal battle between man and machine, Tom concedes defeat.
  
  
  
• The Flower People 01/01/08
  By Stardumb
  Whoa man - trip out on the first ever Acid Logic music video! It'll get you grooving to a whole new age of aquarius.
  
  
  
• But What About "The Wasp Woman"? 12/01/07
  By John Saleeby
  Step aside, Kubrick. Hit the skids, Tarentino. John peruses the latest box set of Roger Corman films and crowns the b-movie auteur king!
  
  
  
• Butch and Tom 12/01/07
  By Tom Waters
  Break out the bourbon on the rocks -Tom is turning into his father. But maybe that isn't such a bad thing.
  
  
  
• Politics, or How to Lose Your Mind by Choosing to Vote 12/01/07
  By Johnny Apocalypse
  Just in time for the election cycle, Johnny tackles the foibles of a political system that drives him up the wall.
  
  
  
• Best Laid Nervous Breakdowns 10/01/07
  By Tom Waters
  Say it ain't so! The king of the gentleman bachelors, Tom Waters, is taking the plunge!
  
  
  
• The Acid Logic Guide To Squeamish Jew Humor 09/01/07
  By John Saleeby
  Learn to riff in the style of Woody Allen, Ben Stiller and Jerry Seinfeld! Written by a professional (non Jewish) comedian.
  
  
• Cherry Trees & White House Interns 09/01/07
  By Tom Waters
  Tom puts forth the case that honesty is the best policy. No, seriously!
  
  
  
• The Acid Logic One Hundred Best Movies Of All Time List (100% Spielberg-Scorsese Free)
  08/01/07
  By John Saleeby
  Tired of reading top 100 movie lists that don't even contain a single George Romero film? Saleeby sets the record straight.
  
  
• Form of.. A Spoon
  08/01/07
  By Tom Waters
  The end is nigh! Tom's libido has taken a backseat to cuddling and conversation.
  
  
• Unrecognized Guitar Gods
  08/01/07
  By Johnny Apocalypse
  Johnny gives Steve Howe, Buck Dharma and Dweezil Zappa the shout out they deserve. Hey, what's Gary Richrath (REO Speedwagon) doing here?
  
  
  
• The Feminist Politics of Hostel II 06/01/07
  By Wil Forbis
  The latest Eli Roth horror spectacular has been denounced by alarmist movie critics as misogynistic torture porn. But does a more nuanced analysis reveal a different set of politics?
  
  
  
• Mama, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Into Fat Gamers 06/01/07
  By Tom Waters
  Who will mourn the modern video game nerd's slow waddle towards extinction? Certainly not Tom.
  
  
  
• Keith Richards Can Blow Me!!! 06/01/07
  By John Saleeby
  John uncovers the secret plot by the boomer generation to crown Keith Richards king. But is it too late to save Lindsey Lohan?
  
  
• Dear Mahmoud05/01/07
  By Jon Gagas
  Jon Gagas returns to our pages and offers a plea to the other power-mad, fundamentalist dictator of our times.
  
  
• Johnny ApocalypseAnswers his Mail 05/01/07
  By Johnny Apocalypse
  Johnny defends his acid logic output from internet critics, porn spam-masters and our own editorial staff.
  
  
  
• The Problem Video Games Cause 04/01/07
  By Johnny Apocalypse
  Drug use? Childhood obesity? Homicidal urges? Don't blame me, ma, blame Donkey Kong!
  
  
  
• Aw, Big Deal About Scarlett Johanson!! 04/01/07
  By John Saleeby
  What happens when John Saleeby melts a Creature from the Black Lagoon mask to his face and opens for Rascal Flatts? Not what you'd think. Well, maybe exactly what you'd think.
  
  
  
• Breaking the Audience's Bond 04/01/07
  By Katharine Coldiron
  Katharine applauds Daniel Craig's "new" James Bond but longs for Roger Moore's bad puns and cheeky mirth.
  
  
  
• 8 Simple Rules For Doing Something With Your Life 04/01/07
  By Tom Waters
  Put down the crack pipe, pull up your pants and listen to Tom's sage advice on how to obtain gainful employment.
  
  
  
  
• Lights! Camera! Crazy Women Biting Guy's Dicks Off!! 02/01/07
  By John Saleeby
  We all assumed Saleeby couldn't get any crazier. When will we learn?
  
  
• Investigating the Unexplained 01/01/07
  By Johnny Apocalypse
  Johnny gets up close and personal with UFOs, the Lock Ness Monster, ghosts and Bigfoot.
  
  
  
• No Wonder Lennon Was Such a Miserable Prick 01/01/07
  By Tom Waters
  Are you filled with hope at the start of a new year? Let Tom's rage at a society of stinking, ignorant masses let the air out of your basketball.
  
  
  
• Know Your Friendly Neighborhood CIA Agent 01/01/07
  By Seana Sperling
  Seana recalls her adventures in the Peace Corp and the onslaught of Central Intelligence.
  
  
  
• News from Around the World 12/01/06
  By Johnny Apocalypse
  Vikings protest at the U.N.? Death arrested? A cure for cancer? Johnny reports from the edge of unreality.
  
  
  
• Predators and Editors 12/01/06
  By Tom Waters
  Tom applies the nine rules of myspace. Don't miss the shock ending!
  
  
  
• A Higher Power 11/01/06
  By Max Burbank
  Max Burbank returns to contemplate the voices in President Bush's head in this elegantly rendered comic strip.
  
  
  
• Avoiding the Devil in Your Daily Life 11/01/06
  By Johnny Apocalypse
  Bryan provides a laugh rich guide on how how to avoid the devil in his many guises... like celery, the music of the Police and "Great Expectations."
  
  
  
• Comics that Made Me Shit My Pants 11/01/06
  By Wil Forbis
  It's not "Comics that Made Me Kill My Parents," or "Comics that Made Me Worship Satan," but just "Comics that Made Me Shit My Pants."
  
  
  
• Martin Scorsese Can Blow Me! 10/01/06
  By John Saleeby
  Just in time for "The Departed," the new acid logic takedown series continues with a look at the acclaimed gangster director.
  
  
  
• Slip Sliding Away 10/01/06
  By Tom Waters
  Tom struggles with the onset of dementia as his mind dissolves into a series of tiny little islands.
  
  
  
• Dean Koontz Can Blow Me! 09/01/06
  By Wil Forbis
  A new acid logic feature debuts with a takedown of the king of schlock fiction.
  
  
• Bizzaro Acrophobia 09/01/06
  By Tom Waters
  'How's the weather up there?' Tom stands up tall for the vertically augmented.
  
  
• The New York Dolls For Beginners!!! 07/01/06
  By John Saleeby
  You think dig the Dolls? Saleeby breaks down the history of the world's prettiest all male rock group.
  
  
• My Computer Can Beat Up Your Computer 07/01/06
  By Tom Waters
  Tom takes a look at the mysterious contraption that has spent the last twenty years plugging its way into the home of every American family.
  
  
• Romance Tales for Average Folks 06/01/06
  Wil Forbis
  Why can't modern love be everything it's cracked up to be?
  
• Movies I Hate (that Everybody Else Loves) 06/01/06
  By Johnny Apocalypse
  Johnny digs into beloved classics like "2001," "Blade Runner," and "Thelma and Louise" and steels himself against the likely armed backlash.
  
• Unfriendly Skies 06/01/06
  By Tom Waters
  Tom rates the modern airport experince and finds that it licks balls.
  
  
• Still More Unappreciated Babes 05/01/06
  By John Saleeby and Wil Forbis
  Acid Logic peers into the windows of such love dolls as Christina Cox, Asia Argento and the Hotties of HotMail!
  
  
• Seven Sleep Disorders of Highly Effective People 05/01/06
  By Tom Waters
  Why can't Tom catch some ZZZZ's? Is it the nicotine, caffeine, alcohol, sex or all of the above?
  
  
• The University Survival Guide 05/01/06
  By Bob Cluely
  Bob passes on advice gleaned in the world of "higher" education.
  
  
• Apartment From Hell
  By Wil Forbis
  What's it like to share an apartment building with Charles Manson, "Hideously Burned Man," and a gigantic, armed and angry book lover?
  
  
• Butch and Twig
  By Tom Waters
  Tom ruminates on his aging parents and their wild and crazy ways.
  
  
• Conspiracy Theory: The World's Finest News Source  
  By Johnny Apocalypse
  Bryan takes a look at everything from Roswell, New Mexico to the WTC towers. Replete with juicy links for your own research.
  
  
• The Saleeby Chronicles Continue
  By John Saleeby
  Saleeby takes a look at the delusional world or Lorne Micheals and the High Time's Channel's Original Motion Picture, "The McCartney Code."
  
  
• Straight or High Movie Reviews
  As told to Wil Forbis
  Some movies require a bong hit while others demand sober concentration. Our crack team takes a look at everything from Hostel to Brokeback Mountain.
  
  
• '70s DVD Revelry
  By John Saleeby
  Making up for lost opportunities, John reviews three films he never saw as a kid: The Hills Have Eyes, The Crazies and The Driller Killer.
  
  
• Shaft
  By Johnny Apocalypse
  Johnny takes a look at the first hero of blaxploitation and pronounces him ultra funky after all these years.
  
  
• Try Not To Think About Gun-Toting Elephants  
  By Tom Waters
  After years spent floating in the liberal world of independent newspapers Tom releases his inner conservative.
  
  
• Dense Macabre  
  By Tom Waters
  Tom compares the state of splatter films to video games and ruminates on the connection between comedy and horror.
  
  
• Of James and Bondage
  By Johnny Apocalypse
  Johnny contemplates the prospect of a blonde Bond and compares him to "Funny Bond" "Ass-Kicking Bond" and "Ugly Bond."
  
  
• Hollywood Notes: Interview with King Kong 12/01/05
  By Wil Forbis
  The great ape stops by to spill the dish on working with Peter Jackson, his long friendship with Godzilla and his views on Iraq.
  
  
• Pot Roast for the Soul 12/01/05
  By Tom Waters
  Whoda thunk it.... Tom Waters is cooking his own food!? And doing quite well at it from what I hear.
  
  
• Doctor Longhair's Reviews of Movies that Don't Exist 11/01/05
  By Wil Forbis
  Itching to see the Kirsten Dunst porno or the latest from Bobo the Wonder Chimp? Doctor Longhair gives you the goods.
  
  
• I Don't Wanna Go On With ‘What Did You Want On That?' 11/01/05
  By Tom Waters
  Tom lays down the rules of etiquette for the American drive through.
  
  
• Tattoos and Their Vicissitudes 11/01/05
  By Robert Cluley
  Robert contemplates the big questions related to inkwork - where, what, and how much!
  
  
• I Bin Ein Blogger 10/01/05
  By Robert Cluley
  Blogging has become the latest fad for self obsessed, socially underdeveloped egomaniacs. But is there a dark side?
  
  
• The Saleeby Chronicles 10/01/05
  By John Saleeby
  Diane Lane, Cindy Sheehan and Bobby Brown all make a stopover in John Saleeby's questionable consciousness.
  
  
• They Don't Make Actors Like They Used To 09/01/05
  By Johnny Apocalypse
  Johnny ruminates on Lee Marvin, Steve McQueen and the tough guys from a bygone era.
  
  
• Electric Tough Guy Land 09/01/05
  By John Saleeby
  Ever wondered what would have happened had Jimi Hendrix made Elvis style adventure films? Sure you have. No... really... It'd be a hoot!
  
  
• Cool Hand Highway Superintendant 09/01/05
  By Tom Waters
  Tom takes a cool and collected look at the challenges of driving in Buffalo, New York.
  
  
• On Being a Large, Land-Based Mammal 08/01/05
  By Tom Waters
  Tom contemplates the eating habits that causes his belly to expand and collapse on schedule.
  
  
• London Calling, Says 'Hello' 08/01/05
  By John Saleeby
  While the America media screams and snivels about the 7/7 subway bombings, the British just go about their business. Because they don't, you know, suck.
  
  
• If They Can't Take a Joke 08/01/05
  By Tom Waters
  As Tom awaits the arrival of his latest book he pontificates on his previous publishing "successes."
  
  
• Doctor Who: The Old Versus the New 07/010/05
  By Johnny Apocalypse
  Doctor Who has survived death, cancellation and 26 seasons on BBC. Johnny gives the Who legacy a once over.
  
  
• Speak Now Or When You Get Around To It 07/010/05
  By Tom Waters
  For how long can Tom put off the impending doom - of marriage?
  
  
• Johnny Cash 06/010/05
  By John Saleeby
  Stripping away the idol worship, Saleeby looks at the Cash legacy.
  
  
• Complete Text Of Laura Bush Speech At White House Correspondents' Dinner 06/010/05
  By Max Burbank
  Searching for a complete transcript of Laura Bush's infamous dinner remarks? Max delivers the goods.
  
  
• Marvin Gaye’s Answer: Peak Oil 06/010/05
  By Cody Wayne
  Cody examines the apocalyptic nature of our current reality.
  
  
• As a Writer 06/010/05
  By Tom Waters
  Tom rails against big screen authors who write themselves into their work.
  
  
• Today's Top Stories, Ingested, Regurgitated And Reinterpretted 05/01/05
  By Max Burbank
  Max Burbank returns to AL and promptly goes all Dada on our ass!
  
  
• The Great Email Scandal of 2032 05/01/05
  By John Saleeby
  In the future, acid logic publisher Wil Forbis is poised to become President. Can John Saleeby head off this disaster?
  
  
• The Professor Visits the Red States 04/01/05
  By John Saleeby
  What would cause a blueblood Cambridge Professor to travel to the heart of Red America? Only the Lord Byron of our age - Jeff Foxworthy!
  
  
• You Can't Put Your Arm Around a Memory 03/01/05
  By John Saleeby
  Can the film feud between rockers Def Leppard and Metallica be healed by the Duff McKagen "Hug-o-Love"?
  
  
• Monkey See, Motley Crue 02/01/05
  By John Saleeby
  As the Crue plan their reunion tour, Saleeby ruminates on swimming pools filled with vodka, 'punking' Vince Neil and the content of the Kurt and Courtney sex video.
  
  
• How To Be a Tough Guy 12/16/04
  By John Saleeby
  Hey milquetoast! Listen up as John plunders Hollywood's greatest action films for tips on turning yourself into an ass-kicking mofo.
  
  
• More Unappreciated Babes 1216/04
  By Wil Forbis and John Saleeby
  For too long entertainment amazons like Kiran Chetry and Megan Mullally have gone unloved and unnoticed.
  
  
• John Saleeby Predicts the Future... Again! 12/01/04
  By John Saleeby
  Find out what's in store for eHarmony.com, the War of the Worlds remake and President Sean Hannity!
  
  
• George May be Prez' but Steven's the King 11/16/04
  By John Saleeby
  For Christ's sake. The world's falling apart and Saleeby is sitting around reading Christine?
  
  
• A New Lease On Life 11/16/04
  By Tom Waters
  Tom recalls his long history of troublesome automobiles, including the Buick that has been "rear ended more times than Nathan Lane."
  
  
• Things That Annoy Me: The Unreal World 11/16/04
  By Seana Sperling
  Seana connects the dots between attack ads and reality shows.
  
  
• Don't Tell Us, We'll Tell You 11/01/04
  By Wil Forbis
  Get the straight dope as television shows like "Hardballs" and "What's on Your Mind, America?" contemplate the war in Iraq, stem cells and the possibility of a Mary Cheny/Alexandra Kerry civil union.
  
  
• American Politics; The Beautiful Doom 11/01/04
  By Sean C Tarry
  Canadians have given the world so much, including Rush, SCTV and Mike Meyers. Hear what AL's Canadian contributor has to say about Election 2004.
  
  
• The Devil Made Me Rent It 11/16/04
  By John Saleeby
  John takes a look at 70's horror cinema mind-benders "Asylum of Satan" and "Satan's Children" and comes to the conclusion that there are two kinds of people in the world: Satanists and Homos.
  
  
• The Importance Of Being Neurotic 11/01/04
  By Tom Waters
  In what may be the most frightening piece to be featured in this Halloween issue, Tom discusses his history of psychotherapy.
  
  
• Things That Annoy Me: The Ultimate Freak - Me 10/01/04
  By Seana Sperling
  During an audition for a movie trivia game show Seana gets tongue tied faster than President Bush on debate night!
  
  
• Scheduling Conflict 10/01/04
  By Tom Waters
  Tom bemoans the passage of time and the unavoidable decay it creates on the bonds of friendship.
  
  
• Does Raw Fish Make You Schizo? 09/16/04
  By John Saleeby
  While reviewing the recent Japanese horror films "Battle Royale," "Suicide Club," and "Stacy" John falls in love with homicidal, suicidal, cannibalistic Asian schoolgirls.
  
  
• The Docker Bums 09/16/04
  By Tom Waters
  Does pre-cubed cheese signal the end of the human race?
  
  
• Unappreciated Babes 09/01/04
  By John Saleeby and Wil Forbis
  Everyone gives a shout out to Pam Anderson and Uma Thurman. Who's got some love for Holly Hunter and Cheri OTeri? We do! We do!
  
  
• Sportin' a Woody: British Comedy and the films of Allen Konigsberg 08/16/04
  By Wil Forbis
  Were it not for the star power of Peter Sellers and David Niven there might not have been an "Annie Hall."
  
  
• TV vs. LSD 08/01/04
  By Cody Wayne
  Cody contemplates the best recipe with which to fry your brain.
  
  
• Angry Blogger 07/16/04
  By Jack McGeehin
  Who says personality can't find its way off the page?
  
  
• The Fatal Van Halen Joke 07/16/04
  By John Saleeby
  Thrill to the adventures of young John Saleeby as he goes up against punk rock hipsters and folk rock poseurs!
  
  
• One More Today 07/16/04
  By Sean C Tarry
  Sean plays the part of the peanut gallery to George Bush's orations on terrorism.
  
• March of The Diapered Soldiers 07/16/04
  By Tom Waters
  Babies. Can't live with 'em. Can't kill 'em. Wait, maybe you can?
  
  
• American Romance 2004 06/16/04
  By John Saleeby
  John takes a look at the Romeo and Juliet of Abu Graib.
  
  
• Pushing 30 (Into Open Traffic) 06/16/04
  By Tom Waters
  Tom may be mourning his lost youth but he's got nothing but kind words for the lost art of napping.
  
  
• Chuck Taylor All-Stars 06/01/04
  By Sean C Tarry
  Sean protests the decline of the shoe that started a cultural revolution.
  
  
• Fat Men and Their Foreign Objects 06/01/04
  By Tom Waters
  Tom looks at the rise of the homoerotic festival that is professional wrestling.
  
  
• All We Are Saying Is Give KISS a Chance! 05/16/04
  By John Saleeby
  John gathers the young 'uns around to revel them with tales of the Viet Nam war, difficult math and the greatest rock band ever.
  
  
• Dave Barry Can Lick My Hairy Bean Bag 05/16/04
  By Tom Waters
  Tom exposes the fool's trade of modern essay writing.
  
  
• Angel of Destruction, Vol. 1 05/01/04
  By John Saleeby
  Saleeby heaps praise onto Uma Thurman, star of the Kill Bill films, while exposing Quentin Tarantino as a deviant foot fetishist.
  
  
• Beating the Shakes 05/01/04
  By Tom Waters
  It started with just a few cups to keep his game up. But now Tom is a full-scale caffeine addict.
  
  
• Pet Peeves 04/16/04
  By Tom Waters
  Tom bitches and moans about the people, places and products that bug the hell out him. Of course, how is that different from his other work?
  
  
• The Sex Pistols VS The Clash 04/01/04
  By John Saleeby
  They were the definive punk bands from the class of '77. What happens when Saleeby puts them through their paces?
  
  
• Straight Eye For The Impatient Guy 04/01/04
  By Tom Waters
  Yep, Tom's in a relationship and settling down now. Just in time to be driven insane by the experience of shopping with his significant other.
  
  
• Best Movie EVER? Forever And EVER!?! 04/01/04
  By John Saleeby
  Hey, what do Norman Bates, vomiting screenwriters and a giant gorilla have to do with Orson Welle's "Citizen Kane"?
  
  
• Just a Four Letter Word 04/01/04
  By David Chorlton
  Far from being a vulgar curse, David argues that the most prominent four lettered word is a catalyst for catharsis.
  
  
• Change the Channel 04/01/04
  By Inherownwrite
  Inherownwrite wades into the culture war that has pitted the President of the United States against the King of all media.
  
  
• Sad, Strange and Stupid: A Look at Conservative Talk Radio 03/01/04
  By John Saleeby
  What gets Saleeby more fired up than pinko commie rants? Rambling talk radio hosts like G. Gordon Liddy, Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity!
  
  
• Odd Man Out 03/01/04
  By Tom Waters
  Just in time for Valentines Day, Tom details the foibles of modern dating. Oh. Valentine's day was last month? No wonder nobody around here is getting any.
  
  
• Table, Booth or next to Newborn? 02/16/04
  By Tom Waters
  With bad service, botulism and pinhead waiters, dining out has become a dicey proposition.
  
  
• Your Turn: Let's Hear it for THog-Zar! 02/16/04
  By Zog Fug
  Introducing Your Turn, the acid logic column where loyal readers share their views on an infinite assortment of topics.
  
  
• The Prolonged Beautification of Joe 02/16/04
  By Tom Waters
  Tom takes a second look at his older brother, a man now cluelessly mired in the morass of married life.
  
  Space Bugs, Fuzzy Babes and Growing Pains 01/16/04
  By John Saleeby
  Saleeby harks back to the television of yesteryear when space creatures dined upon human arms and furry cat women lolled about, unabashed.
  
  
• On Dasher, On Dancer, On Prozac 01/16/04
  By Tom Waters
  Ahh, the holiday season. It's as much fun as a nuclear apocalypse!
  
  
• Be Kind, Don't Rewind 12/16/03
  By Tom Waters
  Tom narrowly misses his ten year high school reunion, but can't escape the pontifications the event causes to reverberate through his head.
  
  
• Review of "Breakfast with Hunter" 12/01/03
  By Seana Sperling
  Seana spot checks director Wayne Ewing's new documentary about the gonzo reprobate responsible for the classic drug odyssey, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas."
  
  
• What is "Axel F"? 11/16/03
  By Tom Waters
  Tom dissects the decade that gave birth to Madonna, Pac-Man, Mr. Mister and the Iran Contra scandal. Will a retro 80's movement cause the madness to return?
  
  
• Strangeness on a Train 11/16/03
  By John Saleeby
  John's lucky to make it back alive from his recent vacation and spares no expense recounting his near death experience at the hands Dutch drug couriers. Featuring a soundtrack by Aerosmith.
  
  
• How Jack Black Restored My Faith in Rock and Roll 11/01/03
  By Seana Sperling
  Seana gives a thumbs up for the new Richard Linklater film, The School of Rock. But she's still upset enough with the moviegoing experience to update her acclaimed Things That Annoy Me series.
  
  
• Flowers For Puck.......Love, Algernon 11/01/03
  By Tom Waters
  By now we've all recognized that game reality TV shows are the final sign of the coming Apocalypse. Tom pontificates why "networks took a wrecking ball to the famed fourth wall" and offers up a few show ideas of his own.
  
  
• Cabin Fever and the Kentucky Fried Horror 10/31/03
  By Wil Forbis
  With the release of "Cabin Fever," genre films may be returning to the heyday of hillbilly horror as epitomized by such classics as "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and "Evil Dead."
  
  
• I Want Candy 10/31/03
  By Sandra Kay
  Hey, October 31st isn't just about monsters and goblins. Sandra takes a look at the best part of Halloween.
  
  
• Vampires and the Victims Who Love Them 10/31/03
  By Seana Sperling
  Screw "Blade" and "Underworld." Seana takes a look at "The Hunger," "The Addiction" and offbeat vampire films.
  
  
• John Saleeby Predicts the Future 10/01/03
  By John Saleeby
  In these times of national uncertainty and global turmoil, we need a voice to come forth from the heavens and lay clear the path before us. John Saleeby is this voice.
  
  
• Get Ready for Some Football! Why Don't I Care? 10/01/03
  By Jason Marsh
  Jason tries to get interested in his hometown team, the Giants. But his mind keeps wondering if "Arabian Idol" is on.
  
  
• Imperfect Strangers 09/16/03
  By Tom Waters
  Tom returns to offer his thoughts on the most torrid of all youthful relationships: Roommates.
  
  
• What Does Winnie the Pooh have that I Don't? 09/16/03
  By Adam Lewis
  Hey, how come chicks are all over a short, chubby, hairy bear named Pooh but don't have the time of day for short, chubby, hairy Adam Lewis?
  
  
• Ain't No Frenchmen Ever Called Me "Numb-Nuts" 09/01/03
  By John Saleeby
  Two years after Arab Terrorists attacked the World Trade Center Americans are sitting around talking about how much they hate the French? Saleeby defends the cheese eating lowlifes.
  
  
• Freddy, Jason and Me 09/01/03
  By Wil Forbis
  If you grew up in the eighties, Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees were like a couple of big brothers, always kidding around and trying to remove your spleen with a machete. Will their new film let you visit your youth?
  
  
• Poor Dead Fucks 08/01/03
  By Cody Wayne
  All Cody wants to do is sit back and have a beer. But he can't help but notice that soldiers dying in Iraq have suddenly become nameless.
  
  
• Not All Lovable Fat Funny Guys Die Young 07/16/03
  By John Saleeby
  Good Lord, is John Saleeby actually becoming sensitive? Check out his tribute to rotund comedy legend Buddy Hackett and find out!
  
  
• Everybody Loves an Abortion 07/16/03
  By Dan Seymour
  Dan makes the case that abortions may not be as fuzzy and cuddly as some people would have you believe.
  
  
• Movies that Made Me Shit My Pants 07/16/03
  By the Acid Logic Mafia
  Our team of crack Acid Logic contributors talk about the movies that changed their lives for the wetter!
  
  
• Dumb and Dahmer (A Look at Serial Killer Cinema) 07/01/03
  By John Saleeby
  John accuses the recently released "Dahmer" of being a politically correct art film, but has kinder words for "Bundy" and the movie biopic about the "Bruce Springsteen of serial killers," John Wayne Gacy.
  
  
• Apocalypse, 80's Style! 07/01/03
  By Wil Forbis
  Back when the Ruskies had a thousand WMDs pointed right at us, Hollywood helped cool the fire by producing some of the greatest nuclear holocaust films of all time.
  
  
• The Denouncer 06/16/03
  By Jade Hays
  After observing the slew of headlines proclaiming "Powell Denounces Iraq" or "Congressman Denounces Potato Chips" Jade realizes that the world needs someone denouncing full time!
  
  
• Hollywood 101 05/16/03
  By Sandra Kay
  Can you tell the difference between a ball buster and a Gary Coleman? Let Hollywood insider Sandra Kay give you the lowdown on the Hollywood set.
  
  
• War Blues 05/01/03
  By Sandra Kay
  Sandra reflects on the inconvenience of war and troubled times ahead.
  
  
• Are You Really an American?04/16/03
  By Alex Kidd
  After ditching New York City for a small town in Canada, Alex realizes he can't escape the spectre of his nationality.
  
  
• Somebody Somewhere Thinks You're a Shit 04/01/03
  By Peter Bennett
  After receiving a goopy piece of hate mail, Peter investigates the excrement of Australia's wildlife. His search leads him right into the paws of The True Blue Roo Poo Company!
  
  
• The Lost Music of Jason and the Scorchers 04/01/03
  By Spoiks
  Spoiks returns to these pages to give a manic shout out to the kings of "Metalabilly."
  
  
• Pootie Troopers Strike Back 03/16/03
  By John Saleeby
  In a last ditch effort before the Oscars, Saleeby tries to shine the limelight on three of his favorite recent comedies: "Super Troopers," "Pootie Tang," and "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back."
  
  
• The Domestication of Joe 03/16/03
  By Tom Waters
  Tom's world goes to pieces when his big brother gets married. Beware the doilies!
  
  
• Sausages, Rubber Plants & the Big Bang 03/16/03
  By Peter Bennett
  After researching the subject on the Internet, Peter discovers that the most commonly accepted explanation for the beginning of the universe is a "load of twaddle."
  
  
• A Case of the Bookworms 03/02/03
  By Tom Waters
  Tom introduces the various breeds of tortured artist that can be found crawling through the literary underground.
  
  
• Let's Get Angry 02/16/03
  By Cody Wayne
  In the third piece of our All-Politics issue, Cody questions why the military didn't stop the the 9/11 attacks, rebukes the US agenda and declares war... against war!
  
  
• Does Bush Need a Penis Enlargement? 02/16/03
  By Sandra Kay
  Sandra challenges our world leaders to lay it all out on the slab. But Mandela's not invited (for obvious reasons.)
  
  
• Why Eucalyptus is to Budgerigars what Vegemite is to Australians 02/01/03
  By Peter Bennett
  In an effort to thwart his children's intellectual superiority, Australian contributor Peter Bennett details the history of the budgie.
  
  
• How to be a Slob 01/16/03
  By Tom Waters
  Are you confused about the slovenly arts? Here's your chance to learn from the best!
  
  
• Public Enemy #2
  By Colin Hoad
  Say, if this war with Iraq doesn't work out, we've got a whole list of other nations that might be worth invading. Who wants a piece of Kazakhstan?
  
  
• Food Stamp Feuds 12/16/02
  By Tom Waters
  Tom settles down in front of the idiot box to classify the recurring segments of the day time talk show.
  
  
• The Saturday Night Live Democrats 12/01/02
  By Wil Forbis and John Saleeby
  As the Democrats flounder about for new leadership, we suggest they consider the cast members and characters of the show that has championed their cause for over 25 years. Vice President Peepers anyone?
  
  
• A.ctive M.orons 12/01/02
  By Tom Waters
  Tom takes a bite out of the modern atrocity known as "morning people."
  
  
• Impending Doom 12/01/02
  By Cody Wayne
  Don't be frightened! Cody's foreboding title heads what is actually an optimistic call to action.
  
  
• My String of Shitty Jobs 12/01/02
  By Jesss Morel
  Jesss offers her contribution to the AL "Our Shitty Jobs" section with a look at her humble beginnings as a strawberry picker and her final arrival as a dot commie. Is this upward mobility?
  
  
• Our Shitty Jobs: Vegetables at the Funny Farm 11/01/02
  By John Saleeby
  John provides a detailed account of his job wrestling crazed maniacs at the psyche ward. Now you know where you've seen him before.
  
  
• Greeting Card Quarterly 11/01/02
  By Tom Waters
  Tom knows that the modern reader's attention span is getting shorter... but he won't let it happen without a fight!
  
  
• Adventures in Amsterdam 11/01/02
  By Sandra Kay
  Sandra covers the essentials for anyone traveling to Amsterdam: sex museums and hash bars!
  
  
• John Saleeby - Shkitsophreniac!!! 10/01/02
  By John Saleeby
  Okay, this time John's really lost his mind. No, seriously, it's finally happened. He's gone bonkers. I'm not kidding....Hey, are you even paying attention to me?
  
  
• War and Pizza 10/01/02
  By Tom Waters
  When Tom isn't working hard as a highly paid acid logic writer, he stalks the streets, seeking out nubile young women... and giving them pizza!!!
  
  
• Die Laughing 10/01/02
  By Zaak Fresh
  Zaak makes clear that comedy is serious business in his blow by blow account of the historic "Zaak Fresh Comedy Tour."
  
  
• Numb Nuts Nation 10/01/02
  By John Saleeby
  In three comic dialogues, John takes on the NYFD, Bruce Springsteen and bellyaching country music singers.
  
  
• The Thomas Rules of Lounge Order, Part II 09/16/02
  By Tom Waters
  Gentle reader, no longer will you be mocked and shunned by the female gender. Just heed Tom's addendum to his original Rules of Lounge Order and you'll have more birds on you than a case full of sesame seeds.
  
  
• Wake Up Call with a Snooze Alarm on it 09/01/02
  By John Saleeby
  It's been almost a year since the WTC attacks and we still haven't caught Osama Bin Laden, airlports still aren't safe and Ann Coulter still hasn't done a Playboy spread. John lays out his call to action!
  
  
• Where No State Has Gone Before 09/01/02
  By Cody Wayne
  Citizens of the rogue state of Nevada are making a play to legalize the herb. If they can only get rid of that meddling Federal Government.
  
  
• An American Jerk in Belgium 09/01/02
  By Rob Reuter
  Two years ago Rob closed up shop on his comedy web zine, The American Jerk. Finally, he reveals the sordid series of events that lead to this heart wrenching decision.
  
  
• Unkle Sleezy's House of Evil 09/01/02
  Hey kids - Get your serial killer murderabilia right here!
  
  
• Interpreting the Bible Part III 08/16/02
  By Kurt Kitasaki
  Kurt lays out the third piece in his comical attempts to analyze the good book. He starts out with Samson smoking PCP and ends up with Satan playing baseball.
  
  
• STUPIDITY: ITS USES AND ABUSES 08/16/02
  By Robert Levin
  "Stupidity is, after all, the best solution we've come up with to the mother of all problems itself, the problem of being mortal."
  
  
• A Preacher, A Rabbi, and a Minister Go Into a Bank At The Same Time...08/01/02
  By Tom Waters
  Tom makes a point to not discriminate against religions. He hates them all!
  
  
• Graveyard Studios 08/01/02
  By Kevin N. Whiting
  Kevin comes to terms with the living dead who threaten to surround him and, more frustratingly, deny him car insurance.
  
  
• Psaleeby's Psummer Psyche-Out 07/16/02
  By John Saleeby
  The summer heat rolls in, temporarily driving Saleeby insane. Fortunately, that's how he does his best stuff.
  
  
• An American Asshole in Mexico: A Review of "Y Tu Mama Tambien" 07/16/02
  By Cody Wayne
  Cody rates the new Mexican coming-of-age story. Hey, it's got a hot-looking older chick!
  
  
• All I Really Needed to Know I Learned in College 07/01/02
  By Beth Anderson
  Beth argues that there is value in higher education. Anyone for a round of "Quarters?"
  
  
• Review - Star Wars, Episode II 06/01/02
  By Anthony Passonno
  Anthony checks out the latest from LucasFilms and gives the final word on "the single greatest Star Wars moment ever!"
  
  
• Interpreting the Bible Part II 06/16/02
  By Kurt Kitasaki
  Kurt's scholarly scribbles on the sacred scriptures have earned their sarcastic sequel!
  
  
• Icarus On The Mend 06/16/02
  By Tom Waters
  In a tale of books, broads and booze, Tom recounts his first foray into the world of self publishing.
  
  
• Main Freeze: A Look at the World of Female Football 06/01/02
  By Jay Kang
  Jay documents a day in the life of the National Women's Football league.
  
  
• A Quick Tour of the Museum of My Collections 06/01/02
  By Max Burbank
  Mr. Burbank returns from his ye
  
  
• The Steering Wheel of Fortune 06/01/02
  By Tom Waters
  When Tom's automotive luck runs out he faces dissappointed parents, a night in jail and worst of all: traffic school!
  
  
• Spider-Man Review 05/16/02
  By Anthony Passonno
  Been holding off on seeing the new cinema blockbuster 'til you found out what your pals at Acid Logic thought? Your wait is over.
  
  
• A Supposedly Small Luxury That Doesn't Necessarily Make Me Gay