7) I Just Swallowed A Bunch Of Pills And Sliced My Wrists.
8) I Can't Find The Phone To Call 911.
9) Bury Me In A Coffin Lined With Pictures Of . . . Who Was That Woman I Was So Excited About? Eva Mendez?
10) I Don't Care. I'm Dead.
wrote for The National Lampoon while he was in high school, was a stand
up comic in New York, and has contributed to the net humor zines Schmuck.com,
Campaign Central, and the legendary American Jerk. He's on medication
now so he's probably a little nicer now than he was when you met him
earlier. Email - email@example.com