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Apocalypse on Christmas: Revenge of the ElvesBy Johnny Apocalypse December 1st, 2010 T'was Christmas evening and a full year had passedSince last year's volatile holiday blast. Two Santas were dead and I thought I could rest, Unaware of the approaching holiday test. I sat in a chair, the fireplace alight, Smoking my first cigarette of the night. A book in the right hand and coffee in the left, I had no more worries about Christmas time theft. But a noise in the backyard caught my ear, Could it be that a third Santa was near? I stepped on the porch and flicked on the light, The view I saw gave me a fright. Dozens of elves covered my lawn, I screamed "You little bastards begone!" "You killed our master," they shouted right back, "Santa's helpers, prepare to attack!" I knew my pistol wouldn't handle this much fun, So I ran to my room for my trusty shotgun. I blasted an elf and down the stairs he fell, I sent that fucker straight to hell! Two more rushed me and I blasted them away, I had a maniac grin as I entered the fray. My house was now filled with the gnomes, Buckshot and blood was filling my home. When I ran out of shells I felt it was time To beat the elves with their partners in crime. I grabbed one of them and gave him a toss, Right into the throngs of chaos. Grabbing another by the legs, I began to pummel the elves into bloody dregs. Soon all that was left was a mass of gore, I let out a loud and victorious roar. "Come one and come all to the Christmas slaughter! I kill you all and fuck your daughters!" What do you think America? Leave your comments on the Guestbook! |
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