Jerry Seinfeld said You Tube is “a giant garbage can”. What a jerk. YouTube is the best thing since Microwave Cornflakes! You can watch Movies on it for FREE! Good Movies for FREE, Jerry! Would you rather watch Jason Alexander making his stupid Constanza faces for the rest of your Life? Here are a few Movies on YouTube that us guys at Acid Logic recommend . . .
“The Big Birdcage”
No, “The Big Birdcage” is not about a Birdcage. What a letdown! I thought it was going to be about Big Bird from “Sesame Street” in a cage. Wouldn’t be an awesome Movie? Big Bird all locked up . . . I’m sorry, Muppets make me crazy. No, “The Big Birdcage” is a “Women In Prison” Movie from the man who invented the “Women In Prison” Movie, Jack Hill. Jack Hill is so great he not only invented the “Women In Prison” Movie he also invented the PAM GRIER MOVIE! Did he invent Pam Grier, too? Maybe she’s a MUPPET! I’m sorry, Pam Grier makes me crazy. Once you have seen “The Big Birdcage” all you will want to do is watch it again and again. I am watching it for the eight hundred and seventeenth time right now. OOOHHH!! Here comes the scene where Pam isn’t wearing very many clothes! Yeah, Pam isn’t wearing very many clothes in any scene of “The Big Birdcage”. Why do you think all I ever do is watch “The Big Birdcage”? Thanks a lot for Pam Grier Movies, Jack Hill! Hey, Hitchcock - Screw you and your Grace Kelly!
Did you know that before William Shatner was Captain Kirk he was a White Supremacist making trouble in the Deep South? Things don’t go very well for Shatner in “The Intruder” but if Leonard Nimoy had been there Sarah Palin would be our first female Fuhrer and we’d be making “Lamestream” jokes in German. Michelle Obama would be Michelle Ohura! Ha Ha! I’m making jokes! “The Intruder” is very
realistic because Roger Corman shot it in a small Southern town. But where is Floyd The Barber? Corman doesn’t like “The Intruder” because it is the only Movie he ever made that didn’t make a profit. Hey, Roger! You shoulda made it with Ray Milland and called it “The Klan With The X Ray Eyes”! Is that Vulcan lookin’ at mah Daughter? THAT DIRTY VULCAN IS LOOKIN’ AT MAH DAUGHTER!!
“Brides Of Blood”
“Brides Of Blood” is a Movie about a guy in the Pacific who was exposed to Nuclear Radiation so sometimes he turns into a Monster and eats people. Luckily, every time that happens the Natives strip beautiful virgins naked and tie em to wooden poles so . . . so we can look at beautiful naked virgins! Great Movie! “Brides Of Blood” is such an Old School Horror Movie it ought to have a Grave Digging Hunchback (I found out that they did have a Coffee Making Hunchback on the set) but it does have a bunch of dwarves around for that essential Oompa Loompa atmosphere. Too bad the Monster ate Snow White! “Brides Of Blood” teaches a valuable lesson - Beautiful virgins look really HOT when they’re stripped naked and tied to wooden poles! Hey, don’t freak out! I was never exposed to Nuclear Radiation! I’m not gonna turn into a Monster! I’m just gonna take pictures and put em on the Internet!
In Abel Ferrara’s “Ms. 45” a lovely mute girl gets raped twice in one day and goes on a killing spree. And can you blame her? She got RAPED TWICE IN ONE DAY! BY TWO DIFFERENT GUYS! “Your Honor, yes - My Client killed a bunch of guys. But can you blame her? She got RAPED TWICE IN ONE DAY!” “Twice in one day?” “BY TWO DIFFERENT GUYS!” “By two different guys? Well, CRAP! If I was raped twice in one day by two different guys I’d go out of my gourd! Let her go! Just don’t anybody rape her again on the same day as any other guy! Once every twenty four hours! We’ll make up a schedule! Everybody stay in line!” “Yay! What a great Judge!”. Crazy Abel
Ferrara plays the first of the two guys who rape Ms. 45 that day. He’s the guy in the mask, not the guy who gets cut into pieces in Ms. 45’s bath tub and stored away in her refrigerator. How many piece’s? Probably 45. Hey, what if she had been raped by 45 guys in one day? Now THAT would be a Movie! But then she’d need 45 bath tubs and 45 refrigerators . Hey, did anybody else see Kelly Ripa digging stuff out from underneath her fingernails and flicking it onto the floor this Morning right in the middle of her Show? Jeez!
“The Glory Stompers”
In “The Glory Stompers” Dennis Hopper, the leader of a Biker Gang called The Black Souls, has a Great Big Ol’ Puppy Crush on a blonde who is dating a member of a Biker Gang called The Glory Stompers. So the Black Souls beat the Glory Stomper to Death and steal the girl. But they don’t quite beat the guy to Death just right. No, in about two minutes he doing just fine and going to get his girl back. The Black Souls kind of suck. With Casey Kasem as one of The Black Souls. I’m serious! Years ago a Girlfriend of mine and I heard about Casey Kasem Starring in some old Biker Movie and we must have made a million jokes about it. But then she dumped me. So now when I hear about Casey Kasem in “The Glory Stompers” I just want to buy a Chopper and ride around California acting like a dick. But I’m too poor to buy a Chopper. I suck so bad I can’t even be one of The Black Souls. I need to watch “The Big Birdcage” REAL BAD!
“The Dead Girl”
“The Dead Girl” is one of those Movies with a million Actors playing a Million Characters - Like “Crash”, only if Thandie Newton had been a Dead Girl in that Movie I would have pitched a fit. At the beginning of this Movie Toni Collette is walking around and she finds a Dead Girl. No, Toni Collette does not Live in New Orleans. And then something happens with James Franco, and then something happens with Josh Brolin, and then something happens with the funny red headed guy in those Sonic Commercials, and at The End Lorne Michaels has
everybody dress up in Bee Costumes and do a “Dead Bee” sketch with John Belushi. There are so many people in this Movie Al Roker turns up to jabber at us about how much it’s raining in Texas. Brittany Murphy plays the Dead Girl which is ironic cause - SHUT THE FUCK UP!! I hope her Husband is okay. Oh, he died, too? Well, that takes care of that.