By Wil Forbis

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September 2003
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Wednesday, February 27, 2002
So, you might've heard that the US government is tapping people related to Bin Laded to provide DNA samples. MSN explains it in the following:

"The DNA would allow the United States to determine if body parts recovered from the site of an attack Feb. 4 near Zawar Kili in eastern Afghanistan could be from bin Laden, the suspected mastermind of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks on the United States."

Well, yeah... I guess it could do that...


posted by wil forbis 2/27/2002 08:23:51 PM

Tuesday, February 26, 2002
Well, I'm rounding up what will probably be one my last work related ventures into Oakland. I'll miss the place. Oakland gets a bad rap, but in many ways it's far superior to Frisco.

I'll miss the vanilla milkshakes at the Jack London Bar and Grill.

I'll miss the ever present reality that one wrong turn would deposit you into a scene from Boys in the Hood.

Mostly, I'll miss the cute waitress at the rib joint on Embarcedero.

She had that depressed, "I'll settle for anything" look I love to see in a woman.

By the way, linked to this satire site today - a joke site based on the concept of Sally Struthers doing a Save The Websites plea.

Interesting, but I also couldn't help notice that it's a near duplicate of an old acid radio episode I did. (Unfortunately, I can't remember which one. I guess you can listen to them all and let me know.)

Not that I think they ripped me off. It's a pretty obvious joke.
posted by wil forbis 2/26/2002 10:31:44 PM

Monday, February 25, 2002
I have to admit, I've been shy about posting in the blog lately because... well, I just haven't been funny. ("Why start now?" Rudy Julianni might respond.) Maybe this is it, kids. Maybe the years of the funny Wil Forbis are over. Maybe it's time to move on. How about demonical Wil Forbis? Or transexual Wil Forbis? Or Wil Forbis, fondler of goats? I mean, we only have one life right? Shouldn't I be exploring all these avenues of expression? I can't simply exist in one mode - a self made archetype for the masses. I need to continually grow, to change, to metamorphize!

I am a pretty butterfly.
posted by wil forbis 2/25/2002 05:34:32 PM

I have to admit, I've been shy about posting int the blog lately because... well, I just haven't been feeling funny. ("Why start now?" Rudy Julianni might respond.) Maybe this is it, kids. Maybe the years of the funny Wil Forbis are over. Maybe it's time to move on. How about demonical Wil Forbis? Or transexual Wil Forbis? Or Wil Forbis, fondler of sheep? I mean, we only have one life right? Shouldn't I be exploring all these avenues of expression? I can't simply exist in one mode - a self made archetype for the masses. I need to continually grow, to change, to metamorphize!
posted by wil forbis 2/25/2002 12:19:05 PM

Saturday, February 23, 2002
One event that sort of prods me to excercise and stay trim is when I bite into a piece of chicken or steak right into a piece of fat or gristle. I always think, jeez this stuff is gross! I guess if someone were to eat me, I'd like it to be a pleasurable experience.
posted by wil forbis 2/23/2002 03:56:34 PM

Thursday, February 21, 2002
Lately I fond myself digging on Andrew Sullivan's web site. His look at the drug war was especially interesting. This section stands out:

Few pretended this scheme was entirely coherent--permitting addictive, destructive booze while banning nonaddictive, benign pot made no real sense--but it seemed a practical balance between the right to personal pleasure and the need for social calm. The one attempt to be coherent, Prohibition, proved the dangers of consistent logic in social policy.

posted by wil forbis 2/21/2002 09:20:46 PM

Wednesday, February 20, 2002
Huh... well, today's Salon Catch of the Day really isn't much of a babe. First time I recall that happening.

However, did you see yesterday's chick? Man-o-Mothman!!! I think I'm in love!

Well, maybe not "love" exactly. What's that thing where you see someone and want to have violent sex with them two or three times and then never have to deal with them again? That's what I'm in.
posted by wil forbis 2/20/2002 09:13:42 PM

Tuesday, February 19, 2002
I know I've been a little lazy with my Salon Watch as of late. But go here, and you'll see the trend continues. About 3 babes for every guy.

On that note, I was thinking about the Beach Boys songs where the describe a place that has "two girls for every guy." Their voices lovingly portray this magical land, but it seems they're describing a situation where women would become so desperate for affection that men could degrade and humilate them as much as they'd like, confident most of the women would have no recourse but to tolerate them. It is this misogynistic fantasy the Beach Boys tenderly detail in their sweet falsettos. A land where women are no more than interchangable vessels for male libidos.

Gosh, I wish I could go there...
posted by wil forbis 2/19/2002 07:40:19 PM

Monday, February 18, 2002
This friend of mine has started a film production company, so I spent most of today trying to write music for his logo which would appear in front on any film they're involved with. The music could be no longer than three and half seconds. I think I really altered the paradigm as to what can be done musically with three and a half seconds. After you hear my three and a half second music, you'll never listen to another three and a half second song the same way again.
posted by wil forbis 2/18/2002 12:10:35 AM

Thursday, February 14, 2002
OHMIGOD!!! Go here to see the newest travesty of science. Scientists have created the first cloned kitty kat! Dear Lord when will it end? How long can we fool with mother nature before she punishes us. What's next? An army of cloned Hitlers who will run free in the streets, raping grandmothers and setting fire to newstands? We must stop this mindless tampering with the basic laws of the universe!! Hideous creatures like this demon kitty kat must be destroyed!! WE MUST PROTECT OURSELVES!!! WE MUST FIGHT!!!! WE MUST...

Awww geez.... he's kind of cute actually.
posted by wil forbis 2/14/2002 04:42:32 PM

Okay, this takes the cake. An article about how boys are groomed for homosexuality in Afghanistan. Especially choice is this sentence:

"In the summer of 1994, a few months before the Taliban took control of the city, two commanders confronted each other over a young boy whom they both wanted to sodomize."

That's problem with these people... no concept of sharing!
posted by wil forbis 2/14/2002 12:02:50 PM

Wednesday, February 13, 2002
First of all, if you've got a high speed connection, you really should check out Cody's "Truck Driving Motherfucker" Quicktime video.

So, man... I just drove back from Nevada at 10 at night. I was going over Donner pass and it was crazy out. The rain was coming down in sleets. I could barely see 15 feet ahead of me. And the weather was freezing. But I was quite comfy in my car. It was interesting - here I was in an environment that would've killed people 150 years ago, but I was protected by this metal bubble that I was speeding along in. Less than three feet from my head was all this horrible weather and yet I had my tunes, my heat, my coffee...
It was such an intense experience I wrote a poem about it.

Roses are Red

Violets are blue

I like big boobies
How about you?
posted by wil forbis 2/13/2002 11:53:39 PM

Tuesday, February 12, 2002
You know, I have to agree entirely with Senator Tom Daschle who said he felt George Bush was incorrect to use the term "axis of evil" to describe Iran, Iraq and North Korea,

The correct term would be "triangle of evil."

No, seriously, I do agree with him.
posted by wil forbis 2/12/2002 08:23:07 PM

Monday, February 11, 2002
Oh... my... God! Today's Salon catch of the Day is the hottest chick they've had yet, if not the hottest chick I've seen in my life. And check out her description about who she's looking for "You have to be sexy and, of course, dirty." Jeesussss! You can't tell me some guy didn't write that. In fact, I refuse to believe this woman exists. I bet she's a computer generated image.

You're not get bored with these Salon Catch of the Day reviews are you kids? Cuz I could go on forever...
posted by wil forbis 2/11/2002 06:01:30 PM

Saturday, February 09, 2002
OK... now things are getting back to normal. Today's Salon chick is definately Miss Thang!

I sat down at Starbuck's today and read through the New York times. Great editorial about why they should eliminate the Best Actress category at the Oscars, in favor of a more gender neutral, Best Actor.

A lot of good editorials on Enron as well. Try as I might, I still feel numb to the pain of the Enron employees who lost their life savings. Partly, because I think they should've recognized the risks of playing the investment game. Secondly, Enron itself was a concept of dubious moral value. These folks go to work for Satan, then loose it all, and I'm supposed to care?

Don't get me wrong - I still think the top Enron folks deserve payback. If Ken Lay happened to fall down an open manhole, straight into the depths of hell where he was then repeatedly sodomized by tiny demons with barb covered pricks, I wouldn't mind. If Jeffrey Skillings was forced to confront the zombiefied corpse of that Cliff guy who shot himself, I'd feel a smile cross my face. If several gorgeous, large breasted women magically appeared in front of me, ready for a nine hour lovemaking session, I wouldn't complain.

sigh... Not gonna happen, is it?
posted by wil forbis 2/9/2002 03:03:40 PM

Friday, February 08, 2002
Va-Va-Voom! Todays Salon Catch of the day is all about having lots of love for daddy! What a sweet piece!

Saleeby says some mysterious black chick showed up briefly a few days ago and then was quickly removed and replaced with the Shelly Duvall chick. Looks like he's having those "dissappearing black chick" visions again. Someone tell him there's no such person as Macy Grey.
posted by wil forbis 2/8/2002 05:15:28 PM

Thursday, February 07, 2002
I rarely watch the SuperBowl but for some reason was conned into it this past Sunday. What caught my eye was the string of anti drug ads that argued if you use heroin and other drugs made in Afghanistan you are supporting terrorism. (Never mind that we paid the Taliban something like 80 million last year to not make drugs.) Of course my conscience is clean. You know why? Because I'm a hard core crystal meth addict! My drugs are made right here in the ol USA baby, probably in some basement in Wisconsin.

Meth - The Anti terrorist Drug.
posted by wil forbis 2/7/2002 08:34:49 PM

Tuesday, February 05, 2002
Ahhh, now things are getting back to normal. Today's Salon Catch of the day is pretty cute, though a little on the Shelly Duvall side.
posted by wil forbis 2/5/2002 10:38:27 AM

Monday, February 04, 2002
You know, usually when I register for something online, I just give them a fake name, like "Fgdrs" or "Uytrewgfc." Now apparently those lists are used by whoever sends out these porno site emails, so now I'm getting all these emails like "I want to fuck and suck you, edfghung!" or "Watch my lesbian sisters masturbate, Hggsytree!"
posted by wil forbis 2/4/2002 11:09:43 AM

SALON WATCH - Boy, I've got egg on my face. (At least I hope that's egg.) Today's Salon Personal choice is some stupid hippy dude. No babes for you! I could be possible I'm full of shit of my assertation that Salon Personals feature an unusual amount of babes. It's also possible that the act of starting a SALON WATCH in this blog has resulted in vast international pressure being put on the online magazine, forcing them to re-evaluate how they chose their featured personal selections. Yeah, that's makes more sense.
posted by wil forbis 2/4/2002 10:54:19 AM

Whoops... as Saleeby pointed out, I meant to say "you can't BEAT "Little Criminals" below. Course, you could beat little criminals. You could beat them with a box, or beat them with a bat. You could beat them on an ox, or while riding a rat.

I do, I do like green eggs and ham!
posted by wil forbis 2/4/2002 10:47:23 AM

Sunday, February 03, 2002
You know, I should give further illumination on my point about the Britney Spears song as mentioned below. As Saleeby probably knows, she was on Sat Night Live last night and I was checking her out, and I was listening to her rendition of the "Not a Girl" tune, and I was like, "this is a genuinely, good, moving song!" I mean, it really has an emotional impact in a musical sense - lyrically it's pretty gay - but musically, through its combinations of chords and melody and rhythms, it stirs something in me. Everybody already thinks I'm pretty fruity for liking the Elton John song, but dammit - I'm a complex emotional guy! I think it's far braver for me to admit to liking Britney, than if I sat here and prentended to be some hardass who liked Limp Biskit or something. I'm tender, motherfuckers!

However, speaking of rap/rock, I'm definately digging on some of that Linkin Park!

But for all out gut wrenching melodicism, you can't bear Randy Newman's "Little Criminals!"
posted by wil forbis 2/3/2002 02:37:36 PM

Heh - this is hilarious - Ted Demme, Director of Blow (which sucked, by the way) Died With Coke in His System. Well, it's as hilarious as any news report documenting the death of another human being can be.

Which is pretty fucking hilarious.

Also, check out the Salon Personal ad on the right side of the page. You will noticed, as I've discussed below, that it's a babe. I'm going to insistute a SALON WATCH in this blog, noting each day's pick, to see what the babe/ugly people ratio is. From past observations, I'd predict another 5 days of babes.

Damn, I've got Britney Spears "I'm Not a Girl..." song stuck in my head.
posted by wil forbis 2/3/2002 12:20:22 AM

Saturday, February 02, 2002
You wanna know what my definition of wasted time is? It's when you're watching a show on TV and you realized that you've been sitting through all the ads, however, you actually taped the show last night, so you could have fast forwarded through them. Precious moments lost to a dirge of commercials for herpes medication and SUVs. Moments that could have been spent living... enjoying great art, reading about history, making love to a beautiful woman... lost forever!
posted by wil forbis 2/2/2002 11:59:54 AM

Friday, February 01, 2002
Yeah, Greg Kitten is 100% right in his summation of "The Pledge" with Jack Nicholson. I used to wonder why a hot chick like Lara Flynn Boyle would waste her time with the Nicholson, but after seeing "The Pledge", I'd go out and fuck him myself! It's a great story with fabulous direction from Sean Penn, and Jack shows he is definately one of the greats. If my body could provide him some simple pleasures perhaps that's my lot in life.

If you have seen the film, I'll tell you the scene that really got me. It's when Jack and Robin Penn have that argument about where to place her daughter's swing, either near the highway or in the back of the house. Once you really get what's really motivating Jack's decision... pretty freaky stuff!
posted by wil forbis 2/1/2002 05:15:58 PM

You know, I really been noticing something about the selected photos that Salon often runs as examples of its Salon Personals section. (Click here and scroll down the page while keeping an eye on the right side of the page for an example.) They are almost unanimously babes. Not just babes, but young babes. I think over the last four weeks that I've been paying attention, at least 80% of the highlighted members have been chicks under 30, all with great features. (Today's selection is a little nerdy, but do-able.) Occasionally you'll see some stupid guy, but it ain't common.

Well, I say, "Good for Salon!" Who wants to see some ugly cow or a hairy man?
posted by wil forbis 2/1/2002 05:09:34 PM

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