Saturday, June 30, 2001
Fuck, John, I'd just laughed myself to tears with your TV names sketch. We don't pay you enough around here. Oops, forget I said that, otherwise Tarryn and Jesss will get on my case about not paying them. Yeah, let's just forget all about that.
I could just delete those comments, I suppose, but I'm much too lazy.
I've been having some interesting revelations about 1960's pornography lately. And let me tell you, if you're going to have interesting revelations, you better hope they're about 1960's pornography. I think you'll agree with me, 1960's pornography is the most understudied subject of American culture and if we really expect to move forward in any meaningful sense, we must analyze this neglected artform.
See, I've been watching a lot of Doris Wishman films; she did such 60-70's adult films like "Nudes on the Moon" and "Bad Girls Go To Hell". You get the sense from her later works that she wasn't so much making nude films, as she was making action/adventure/horror films that happened to have a lot of naked breasts. Her classic Chesty Morgan films, "Deadly Weapons" and "Double Agent 73" (named after Chesty's bustline, and her twin mounds, hence the "double." Clever, no? You might say it's a 'double' entendre. Hah! Get it?) were really just action/spy flicks where the main character spent a lot of time fondling her giant breasts. There's absolutely no explicit sex, and little or no genitalia. I think Wishman honestly thought these films were not much different from the James Bond series, and didn't see herself as working in a different industry than mainstream film.
So those are my grand revelations. Discuss amongst yourselves.
posted by wil forbis 6/30/2001 01:08:18 PM
Friday, June 29, 2001
One thing that's always bothered me is America's obsession with extra large size tee-shirts. It seems if someone is making a shirt in one size, they always go for extra-large. I was at some meaningless computer conference yesterday, at after it ended, as they always do, they tried to pawn off these stupid extra large tee shirts. Why would I want a t-shirt that looks like a dress on me? Why would I want a T-shirt I can use as a tent? If I ever make an acid logic T-shirt, it'll come in two sizes, small and medium. And if some clod comes prancing about asking for an extra-large, I'll say, "What's wrong fatty, can't squuze your way into a decent sized shirt? Try one of our acid logic muu-muus." That's how it'll be. Small and medium for decent folk, and muu-muus for everyone else.
posted by wil forbis 6/29/2001 11:03:35 AM
Quote from Tarryn's blog
"When he was born he had to be pumped up with morphine to paralyse him from 'fighting' the ventilating equipment and drugs drips."
Some guys have all the luck!
posted by wil forbis 6/29/2001 10:57:40 AM
Quote from Jesss's blog
"but this woman also SLEEPS w/ everyone, it seems. i think it's crippling enough to get hooked on knowing your smile will get you out of most things, bend a lot of rules, but to look for [un]fulfilment through transient, dangerous, meaningless sex..."
Jesss, I also decry this sort of behavior. It obviously show a complete lack of self respect and an innate sense of self-hate that can be quite damaging. Whenever I see this sort of behavior I find myself nodding my head with dismay.
Uhhh.... can I have her number?
posted by wil forbis 6/29/2001 10:35:05 AM
Wednesday, June 27, 2001
I don't want to keep harping on that Donnas album, but I think what really gives it its power, its drive... is the spectacular guitar tone. It's not high pitched and squeaky like a lot of modern rock, nor is it fat and sluggish like so much of the Staind, Def-Tones school of rock. I would say their tone is gusty... you can feel it, but it also slips through your fingers into the void... calling you there like a black haired siren... calling you... callling...
Ever have one of those days where it seems everything you write, or create in whatever form you express yourself in, is just worthless crap? Really, what's that like? No, seriously, I've been in that mood the past couple day... just can't seem to rev up the old creative engine.
"Pedigree" is an amusing word.
Just checked out this new spell-check function they stuck into blogger. Impressive stuff, it could radically alter the landscape of American blogging. Interestingly enough, the word "blogger" is not in their dictionary.
posted by wil forbis 6/27/2001 06:08:07 PM
Tuesday, June 26, 2001
posted by wil forbis 6/26/2001 09:38:51 PM
Well, I heard that they killed off Xena and now all these Xena fans are pissed. It's not so much that they killed her, but how they killed her... they beheaded her and then burned her and then her spirit was degraded and humiliated. However, apparently it could've been worse. I found a couple alternate endings on the web and they make the real one seem pretty tame.
ALTERNATE XENA ENDING #1
Xena gets beheaded and burned at all that stuff, but then Kevin's Sorbo's Hercules comes out and urinates on her body. Then Steve Reeves' Hercules comes out and defecates on her. Finally the animated Disney Hercules comes out and throws up on her and says "Fuck you, whore!"
ALTERNATE XENA ENDING #2
Xena and Gabrielle become addicted to heroin and end up table dancing at a weird orgy, sharing a cucumber between them. The bumbling character played by Sam Raimi's brother also becomes addicted to heroin and ends up having his arm sawed off. Marlon Wayons ends up in a southern prison where they don't like black people.
ALTERNATE XENA ENDING #3
Xena travels to the year 1989 and becomes my prom date. At the prom she ditches me for David Williams and smokes the good Hawaiian style ganja. Kevin Sorbo and Steve Reeves throw up the loaded punch on me. Boy, I'm glad they didn't use this one, but at least I got to actually go to the prom...
So, I think you gotta admit, things worked out for the best!
posted by wil forbis 6/26/2001 05:54:18 PM
Monday, June 25, 2001
I'm finding it can be quite amusing to answer people's serious inquiries by using dialogue from 1950’s horror movie posters. For instance, someone will say "How's that Henderson report coming, Forbis?" to which I'll reply "It's an unholy thing from the depths of Hell! And it has an unquenchable desire to feast on HUMAN FLESH!!!!" Or someone'll say, "Wil, do you have the time drive me downtown?" and I'll respond with "The clock is ticking... and it's a COUNTDOWN TO DEATH!!!!"
By the way, Jesss, you better believe I can pass the ass/stomach/shoulders test. I was made for that test. There ain't no way I'm failing the ol’ ass/stomach/shoulders test.
Uhh... to pass that test, I just need to spell those words, right?
posted by wil forbis 6/25/2001 05:36:51 PM
Just got back from my weekend in Seattle. Geez... what an orgy of alcoholism. Every night was a testement to massive liquor abuse. That might not seem strange, but keep in mind I was there to see my mom. The old gal can certainly keep up, though I think I finally bested her Sunday morning when I woke up without a hangover and she didn't. That's really what family is all about.... drinking contests.
posted by wil forbis 6/25/2001 12:23:30 PM
Friday, June 22, 2001
Boy, we lose Carol O'Conner and John Lee Hooker in one day. (MSN reported Hooker's death under the title "Famous Bluesman Dies." They probably pull that page out about once a month or so and just switch out the names.) I actually met Carol O'Conner when I was about 12 or so. I believe it was a get together after my grandmother's funeral and O'Conner had known her so he dropped by. My Dad introduced us, and he patted me on the head.
I also saw John Lee Hooker at a blues festival in L.A. about ten years ago.
posted by wil forbis 6/22/2001 05:03:54 PM
Boy, slow times at the old acid logic offices these days. Pete Moss is off God knows where and Jesss in presumably on some camping trip. I guess you still hear faint echoes of the mindless banter produced by Tarryn and Saleeby, but there's no doubt that things seem quiet.
I was reading a pretty interesting piece about Charlton Heston at the chiropractor's office today. It described some speech he was doing at a college, and in the front row were a bunch of anti-gun activists dressed up as apes with signs that said "Guns Don't Kill Apes, Apes Do." So Charlie walked out on the podium, pointed a finger at them and said, "Take your paws off me, you goddamned dirty ape!" It was one of those moments where someone single-handedly turns an aggressor’s attack to their advantage. Very Aikido of him.
Say, whatever happened to Kato Kaelen?
Well, I'm swinging up to Seattle for the weekend. I'll try and drop some words of wisdom into the blog at some point.
posted by wil forbis 6/22/2001 01:35:56 PM
Thursday, June 21, 2001
You know, I've heard some ruminations alleging that since I spend so much time fooling with Acid Logic that I must not have any real friends. I assure you, nothing could be further from the truth, I've got lots of great friends. Like my friends Chandler and Joey. Joey's always saying "How you doing?" to all the chicks and Chandler's always got these sardonic put-downs. He's great. Then there's my friends, Ross and Monica. They're brother and sister. Ross has been married three times and Monica's a total babe. Ross used to go out with this one chick, Rachel, she's pretty cool. Oh, and let me tell you about Phoebe! She's really wacky and thinks she has psychic powers.
Hopefully, that will help put these unfounded rumors to rest.
posted by wil forbis 6/21/2001 11:29:41 AM
Wednesday, June 20, 2001
An exciting coutdown has started to take place, as I've decided to rename and redo the look of this blog. However, I can't reveal the new title and look as that would destroy the air of mystery I must create. But I will give you one clue: fishmonger!!!
When will the new blog surface? Uhh... I dunno, maybe a week or so. Whenever I get around to it.
posted by wil forbis 6/20/2001 04:32:24 PM
I think part of my problem is that I've always been too timid. Oh, sure, I've had wacky adventures and been in plenty of dangerous situations, but it's always because I was hanging out with some sort of adventurous type that was able to talk me into taking some risk. My friend Graden is like that. He's just not afraid to take the bull by the horns and dive into life. And as a result, I really think Graden lives a much fuller, a much richer life than me. He's willing to take chances.
I was visiting Graden in the hospital the other day. He's there because he decided to wrestle a crocodile and it bit off most of his right arm. While I was there, he broke open the top of his morphine drip and then drank about one gallon with a straw. As I watched him go into convulsions and stepped back to avoid the nurses rushing to stick needles in him and pump his stomach, I thought, "Now that's living!"
posted by wil forbis 6/20/2001 03:06:19 PM
Tuesday, June 19, 2001
Boy, I've been checking out these various sites that offer web cams of their contributors. What I'm finding is that every one of these web cam subjects is a drop dead gorgeous teenage girl. I'm tellin' ya, Tarryn, Jesss... if we ever do web cams around here, you two better turn out to be a couple of babes. I will not have this magazine embarrased, do you understand?!! I WILL NOT ALLOW IT!!!
So I got a letter from Pete Moss yesterday. Say's he doesn't see an online connection in his immediate future. He did send me some old letters he'd sent off to people in the past, including several to Teller, the magician guy. I'll probably send him a reply in a day or two.
posted by wil forbis 6/19/2001 05:01:25 PM
Sunday, June 17, 2001
Fuck... for some reason my blog has a horizontal scroll bar going across it. What's up with that? This is one of those problems where I know I can solve it, I'm just to lazy to do it. Like cancer. Or finding world peace.
posted by wil forbis 6/17/2001 09:39:29 PM
Saturday, June 16, 2001
Weird, Pete mentions Thalidomide babies in his new acid logic article about Flipper. And I'd swear I just saw one at the local Starbucks. Granted, I didn't confirm it by asking "Gee, are you one of the generation of newborns that were disfigured by the horrible drug Thalidomide?" I simply pointed at her and said, "Hey everybody, look at the freak!"
Nonetheless, I really think it was a Thalidomide person.
posted by wil forbis 6/16/2001 01:10:16 PM
Thursday, June 14, 2001
I really seem to have developed a few fashion traits that cause levels of consternation to the outside world. The travails of my black-rimmed glasses have been well documented in these blogs, but I have one other fashion habit that created ire earlier today. See, I have these two red turtlenecks, and whenever I wear them, I try and accompany them with my one pair of red socks. I happened to be doing this today, and I was sitting outside eating a chocolate chip cookie, when this guy comes up to me a says, “Hey, guy, you look great!” Now instantly, I’m thinking “Uh-oh… is this some sort of homo scene…” but the guy really didn’t look gay. He looked kind of like a washed up jock type, who was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and Nikes with knee-high socks. So, I’m looking at him warily and he says, “Really man, the red sock s and red shirt, you’ve got it going on!” And I’m trying to tell if he’s being facetious or not… I mean there’s a trace of sarcasm in his voice, but not enough for me to enter our war or words with a well timed Forbis put down. So I just kind of say, “Why, thank you,” in a way that could be interpreted as both kind or degrading. But as the guy walks past, I’d swear I see a bit of a smirk that illuminates the fact that he was indeed making fun of me.
But you know, there’s certain people that it’s a joy to be made fun of… Indeed, if this guy was actually upset just by colored socks, it paints the picture of someone so intent in following society’s rules that you know he’ll never have any fun. It’s easy to laugh of his misanthropy with the knowledge that I’m comfortable enough about myself to defy conventions. My socks celebrate my freedom, and the knowledge that I’m able to laugh at myself give me a inner serenity this fellow will never enjoy.
However, if I see him again I’m going to pepper spray the motherfucker and slit his throat with my serrated “Rambo” knife! No-one laughs at Wil Forbis! Do you hear me, bitches?! NO-ONE!
posted by wil forbis 6/14/2001 06:03:17 PM
Wednesday, June 13, 2001
Hey check this out. Tarryn was delightful enough to take my dream (see last blog) and have it anayzed by some kind of fruity online web service. So I thought I'd analyze their analysis and enclose the results below. Sort of turns the tables on these fuckers, doesn't it? They go about their day offering snide analysis of the dreams of decent folk, but now it's their turn!
I enclose my analysis in italics.
MY DREAM ANALYSIS
Well, dreams set at night are common as night is usually a symbol of your
unconcious. If you're driving, walking, sailing or journeying anywhere at
night, this is probably you journeying into the dark side of your
personality. Many dreams that occur in a night may scare you-- you are facing
a part of yourself that you usually keep buried. Look to other symbols in
your dream for a more detailed picture, i.e. was their moonlight or stars in
the night sky? How were you feeling during this dream? Were you frightened or
were you peaceful? See dark for more.
How could I feel peaceful when there's a tranvestite clubbing me with their penis! Get a clue!
According to Jung, every color has a both a positive and negative feeling or
emotion attached to it in your dreams. White has a positive meaning of purity
and wholesomeness and a negatave meaning of emptiness. Examine the other
symbols in your dream to see where the color fits in.
Oooh. A lion! Well, dreaming of a lion shows you have many obstacles to
overcome, and must resist the real force that is driving you to self
destruction - if the lion overpowers you, you may lose if you don't change
some things, if you win out over the lion, you probably already have started
the process. As the lion usually represents different aspects of our own
inner nature that we are, or as we think we are, the meaning can be
strengthened by using as many of the symbols you see in your dream and
carefully analyzing the different actions of each character.
I really think they're reading too much into this White Lion connection. I believe it stemmed primarily from the fact that Mike Tramp, the singer for White Lion is doing a show at the local metal bar. Sometimes a White Lion is just a White Lion.
All the world is a stage and we are all actors playing a part. The trick to
figuring out this dream is to try to find the symbology that will point to
your 'performance in life' and then you will be able to correlate the stage
with any items you see on it and the actions of the actors as they role play
in order to receive the intended message. If you're talking about a stage,
like a 'stage in life', I'll have to get back to you on that.
Perhaps it was "symbolic" of a performance stage, as that what washed up Heavy Metal bands perform on.
Stop the presses! You dreamt about sex? Well, for your information, so has
just about everyone else. - However, I don't think everyone else has had dreams of being attacked by a transexual swinging their giant member. Smartass. - This is a long one, - Why yes, it was a long one. About nine inches! - so here goes... First of all,
sexual dreams are not always about having sex. They may be about how you are
perceiving other people and how you think they perceive you. - I guess they percieve me as the type of guy who would attacked by a transexual's penis. - What is
important is who was with you in the dream and how you felt during the
experience. If you were attracted to the person and enjoyed the experience,
you may simply want a better relationship with them, not necessarily a
romantic one. If you were uncomfortable during the dream, or when you woke
up, look at why. Did you see someone else havng sex? Were you cheating or
having an affair? You may be dealing with supressed feelings about sex in
general, i.e. the 'forbidden' being secretly exciting to you. Did you have
sex with someone you know and felt bad during it? That person may have
violated a boundary with you in real life or you may feel like that are
taking advantage of you in the waking hours.
If you've been bitten, this is a important dream that may be warning you to
watch out for someone who been trying to harm your for some time. It also a
subconcious wish to undo something that you may have done that is past. If
you dream of being bitten by a vampire or some other unearthly creature, this
shows there is someone in your life that is draining you, or your resources,
and you need to eliminate this person from your life. If you dreamt that you
bit someone else, this could be a warning that you are overdoing the pressure
you are applying to certain people and causing them pain. Think about who
this could be.
Who cares? people suck.
Women. Well, if you just saw some random woman in your dream, think about how
you felt about her and try to look at the other symbols for clues to what she
may represent. Traditionally, if you dream of a group of women talking, you
may soon hear some good news. - Funny, in real life when women start talking it usually means I'll hear mindless gabbering. - If you dream of them shopping you may soon see
an increase in your spending power. - Great, I can buy all the moisturizer and footware that I'll never need.- A dream of pregnant women is a sign that
you will be blessed with abundancy in your life. - In real life it's a sign to leave town and change my name. - If you are a woman dreaming
of being a man, you may give birth to a healthy son! Wow! An old time
interpretation of seeing women in a crowd was that you would soon be met with
treachery and deceit, so take your choice, either you are modern, or not.
Aha! The naked dream! Where do I start... Okay, if you were nude or only
wearing underwear in your dream, then this may reveal your vulnerable side
that lies below your outward confidence. This is the part of you that you
hide from others. You may be worrying that if people really knew you, you
would not be accepted. Sometimes in a dream, you are undressed, but no one
around you notices. As you start reacting to the fact that your naked, the
other people in the dream start noticing and judging you. This may mean that
your subconscious is tired of hiding a certain part of you. This could be in
general, or could be something your hiding from a specific person. If you saw
someone else naked, you may suspect they are, in effect, hiding something
Are you kidding? Urine? Why do you put me through this? Okay, urinating is a
very private act in real life, - It is? Hmmm, that does explain a few things, like those nights in jail. - so if you dream about it, there's a pretty
good chance you feel that your space is being violated by someone or
something. It also can signify you being territorial about something. So.
Look at what or who surrounds this part of your dream to see what is making
you uncomfortable. If someone else is urinating, what do you do? Confront
them or run away? This may be a key to what you should do about a real life
situation that is deeply bothering you.
So guess I need to confront someone about being a large penised transexual. I knew I couldn't put it off forever.
posted by wil forbis 6/13/2001 05:25:26 PM
Tuesday, June 12, 2001
Holy Satan, did I have a weird dream last night. It started with me standing outside some sort of heavy metal bar waiting to get in. When I get up to the doorman, I ask him who's playing, and he tells me a name I've since forgotten but adds that the band is basically comprised of members of the band White Lion with Gary Cherone (Extreme, Van Halen) singing. I look over at the small stage and think how sad it must be for Gary Cherone who was playing arena with Van Halen just recently to now be subjected to playing tiny clubs. Anyway, I buy a ticket, then I have to go stand in some other line. So I'm waiting in that line and suddenly I feel someone rub themselves up behind me and...well, fondle me! I look behind me and there's this full on slutty metal chick purring into my ear. And then she asks me if I'd like to meet her in the bathroom and have sex!
Now, of course in real life I completely opposed to having sex with someone unless I have built up a solid emotion commitment between with them, and I feel that we have a spiritual union comprised of mutual respect. But in this dream, I was like, "Sure."
So I get out of this other line and walk around a bit and then go into the men's bathroom. I'm looking around for this chick, wondering if maybe she meant the women's bathroom, and then I see her. One of the stalls is open and she's standing in it naked, back to me, standing up, as if she's peeing! Peeing like a man! So I bust in there and she turns around and she's got this huge, club-like, uncircumcised penis! And I'm like "What the fuck is that?!" So she says, "It's all right baby, I'm a transsexual..." But I'm freaking out! This things was gigantic and it wasn't even erect. So I’m yelling and we start tussling and she starts hitting me with this penis, pounding on me like it's a big slab of meat she can use as a weapon. And.... well, I can't remember what happened after that. I must've woken up, or gone into a different dream. But I swear to God, that was my dream.
And the funny thing is, it seems like I'm never allowed to have a normal sexual dream. More the once, the chick has turned out to have a penis, or for some reason we get interrupted, or my mom walks in or something. I guess I must have some real issues. I just can't have dreams where I met some beautiful women and we have great sex and then watch “Dr. Katz” on cable, which would pretty much be a perfect night for me.
Ever have those dreams where you meet someone and they're just perfect for you? And in the course of the hour of the dream or so you fall madly in love with this person. Then you wake up and realize it's all a dream. I hate. And they're not even real so there's nothing you can do about it.
I’ll tell you this… From now on I’m going to avoid slutty metal chicks in bars!
Ahh, who am I kidding.
posted by wil forbis 6/12/2001 10:18:50 PM
Monday, June 11, 2001
Hey Tarryn... check out my weekend: I hang out with Trail of Dead near Frisco, and we go into town to go backstage at a Mogwai show. And who should show up but the singer from the Def-Tones!* We had a long conversation about how great the Donnas are. Finally, we all went onstage with Mogwai to perform their new song "Tarryn Stewart is a Lesbian!"
Then I had sex with Darrin. He wasn't all that.
* Everything up until this point is true.
I find myself going back and forth about this capital punishment thing. The one thing that annoys me is how we kept hearing about why we were killing McVeigh, and how is was about "justice", not "revenge". Look, in my book, revenge is a perfectly good reason to kill someone... in fact, it's the only good reason. Mcveigh really posed no threat if he was in solitary confinement for life... we really just wanted him to pay for what he'd done. They keep calling it justice, but it's really about and eye for an eye... which is really a nice way of saying revenge. (Well, it's really not that nice a way to say it, but you get the picture.) I think the government is perfectly suited to carry out such acts, if it can gaurentee no loss of innocents. (Which in McVeighs case, I think it did.)
But I think there was another reason we kiled Mcveigh. The world just feels a little cleaner without him. Just as a rape victim will obsessively shower after an attack, executing Mcveigh was a way to eliminate some of the uncleanliness around us.
posted by wil forbis 6/11/2001 06:23:05 PM
Friday, June 08, 2001
So a couple of moviegoers are suing Sony pictures, saying they were duped into seeing "A Knight's Tale" by the phony film critic Sony used in advertisements. Whereas I have to condemn Sony in this, I also have to wonder what kind of idiot would go see a film based on the recommendation of some film critic no-one's ever heard of. For that matter, I'm unclear why people listen to film critics at all. And whatta they gonna sue for, $7.50 for the ticket? I'm sure they'll figure out a way to tack billions of dollars of damaged onto the whole thing, like this guy who got 3 billion from the tobacco industry cuz' he didn't know tobacco was dangerous.
Hey, I came across this little tidbit in a New York paper. Make's it all worth it.
"Without a doubt, Acid Logic is the best web site on the net, and author Wil Forbis is clearly the most talented humor writer of all time. Though I am by no means bi-sexual, I would gladly submit myself to him in order to repay him for the numerous belly laughs he has provided me. He's simply the best!"
The New York City Herald
posted by wil forbis 6/8/2001 05:19:15 PM
Thursday, June 07, 2001
More ruminations on ladybug sex: How do ladybugs manage to have sex? They do it doggy style, but how does the male ladybug manange to insert himself into the lady ladybug? Give me a few pints and I'm bound to have problems, and my penis isn't so microscopically small you'd need a magnifying glass to see it. (Insert whatever sarcastic remark you just made, here.) So you've got this tiny ladybug trying insert his ladybug member which is like one tenthousandth of his body size into a ladybug vagina, and he's got no oopposable thumb. It's a wonder there's any ladybugs at all!
Hey Pete, if you're reading this, I'll probably use the Flipper piece next ish.
posted by wil forbis 6/7/2001 05:44:26 PM
Wednesday, June 06, 2001
There's an interesting independent movie I saw recently, called "Keep The River On Your Right." It's a biography about this Jewish artist, now in his 70s, who lived with various primitive tribes in Peru and Indonesia. He describes his life in these vastly different cultures and it really makes you realize how so much of what we consider "right and wrong" behavior varies from society to society. In the Indonesian tribe he lived with, each man had a homosexual partner and several female lovers. The Peruvian tribe he lived with practiced cannibalism, and he describes how he unknowingly went along with them on an attack on another village. He was horrified by the violence, but did participate in the cannibalistic feasting that occurred.
I've certainly never considered myself an exponent of moral relativism, but seeing this film made me realize how questionable the basis for some of my moral beliefs are. If cannibalism is universally wrong, why is that not obvious to an entire culture that practiced it? If having multiple sexual relationships with people of both genders is wrong, why was it not obvious to my last girlfriend? These were the questions I asked myself, while I consumed a co-worker, Todd, in the lunchroom today. He was quite tasty when covered in dillweed.
Anyway, you can see more about the movie here.
posted by wil forbis 6/6/2001 05:09:41 PM
Monday, June 04, 2001
Well, I was up around Lake Tahoe in Nevada this weekend. A friend of mine and I were driving along the lake, and we saw a particulary nice little area so we pulled over and climbed down to the lake shore. When we got there we saw the strangest thing. The rocks right by the water were covered with little ladybugs and they were... fucking. It was a ladybug orgy, with at least twenty mounting, copulating couples, and hundreds more standing around doing whatever ladybugs do. (Ladybugs seem to have a much freer attitude towards sex.) All in all, I don't blame them, it really was a rather romantic spot.... waves crashing on the shore while the sun set. I looked over my friend, Jon, and said with a knowing smile, "Say, does this give you any ideas?"
I spent the rest of the weekend walking back.
posted by wil forbis 6/4/2001 10:52:04 AM
Friday, June 01, 2001
I don't know what it is, but it seems like whenever I'm doing something weird or embarassing, that's precisely when someone walks in unannouced. Today, I was at work, and my boss told me he was going to the bank. So he leaves, and I thought it would be a good time to give myself a full body shave. I lathered up and then decided I wanted to see if I could balance a lit candel on my head while standing on top of my boss's computer and singing "The Greatest Love of All". Suddenly, I found the whole experience vaguely... arousing, and began fondling myself. And that's right when my boss rushed back into the office saying, "Oops! Forget the checks."
So what's up with this new Lara Croft movie... Angelina Jolie's wearing fake boobies, rights? I sure don't remember those from "Gone in 60 Seconds."
posted by wil forbis 6/1/2001 06:26:16 PM
these other exciting Acid Logic blogs...
Crawling - By Tarryn Stewart
Immerse yourself in tales from across the Atlantic as Tarryn recounts
her adventures and offers helpful advice and magical incantations.
The Mirror - By Jesss Morel
Try your damndest to keep up with the visceral, tangential world of
and Vinegar - the Blog of Pete Moss
Pete Moss makes home in a world few dare tread. A place of classic
motorcycles, celebrity hobnobbing, drug fueled ruminations and an
endless love affair with female genitalia.
and Disdain - By Cody Wayne
A page devoted to daily revelatory thoughts, usually involving graphic
references to sexual anatomy and the goo that said parts squirt, tales
of real-life craziness, and often times referring to love and the
collective consciousness of the Universe...
|An Ordinary Boy - By Alex Kidd
View the flavorful writing styles of a 20 something bipolar living on the corner of insanity and absolute bliss. Don't come here looking for a
good time. Unfiltered, uncouth, and no cat pictures. (WARNING: Some porn and human deformities... often in the same image.)
|Jihad Against Cowardice: A Defense of Bill Maher's Politically Incorrect
An archived blog protesting ABC cancellation of Politically Incorrect. Contains an overview of some of the last shows.