By Wil Forbis

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September 2003
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Tuesday, February 27, 2001
This has got to be the best junk mail header I've ever gotten: WE HAVE FOREIGNERS WHO WANT TO BUY OR FINANCE YOUR BUSINESS SPEAK TO THEM RIGHT NOW.

Much as I love taking money from foreigners, I'm gonna have to pass.

It's right up there with the weight loss one that got sent to my hotmail account saying "I Love You And I Don't want You To Die." (I thought it might be the "I Love You And I Don't want You To Die" virus.)
posted by wil forbis 2/27/2001 11:41:53 PM

Yeah, to reply to the comments some chick named taryn made on the guestbook... I guess it's true, all men aren't constantly out there looking to be unfaithful. A more acurate pictture would be that theress a constant war between coming and going played out in our souls. Our course there's a desire there to have a faithful, loving relationship and ... stuff... but I also think in every man lies the carnal urge to satisfy his mad desires (to quote a song by The Runaways that I can't remember the name of.)

I actually think in about 50 years or so, you'll see this sort of offshoot of the massage industry wherein you'll get a massage and it will be culiminated by some sort of sexual correspondence with the masseus. (Gotta like that term... "sexual correspondence.") It will require a mindset towards sex completely different from what you see in today's world... it will be neither the aggressive power struggle as mandated by feminists or the christian right nor the soul joining epiphany you hear about from the new age trendies... but rather the ultimate physical experience (remember you're getting a massage first) combined with extreme aethetics. I hear they already have stuff like this in Japan though they're still pretty sexist over there.

But then again: What's wrong with being sexy?

Actually, I'm tempted to add The Runaway's Cherry Bomb" to my list of great songs, but it's not that good.

By the way, Taryn: yes, most men are undersexed, but I assure you - we're really undersexed!
posted by wil forbis 2/27/2001 11:24:01 PM

Saturday, February 24, 2001
Hey, just updated Saleeb's blog. Check it out.

Had a pretty interesting conversation about relationships with my one friend in sacramento, Rebecca. I came clean and told her that men basically want to have sex with as many women as possible and ultimately have no interest in being faithfull or loyal. She took it pretty well, in truth I think she knew all along. Yeah, I guess we're a bunch of stinkers. But you gotta love us. Unless you want to turn lesbo, which probably seems like a more and more attractive option to most chicks...

Well, I'll stop digging myself into a hole there. Not much else to talk about though. New acid logic going up around Thursday. Should have some good stuff, an interview with Gerry Casale from Devo, and a new Interesting Motherfuckers on Roger Corman. I've read it myself already, and I have to say I think it's one of the more interesting ones. As I was telling Saleeby, I met Beverly Garland of "It Conquered Space" fame (A Corman film) about ten years ago in this tiny video store on Melrose in LA. Boy, in her day she was a nice piece of work, lemme tell you. She was still holding together pretty well in 1991 for that matter. I briefly considered pursuing her, but held out for Bette Midler. We all know how well that went. Actually a friend of mine's Dad did actually date Bette Midler several decades ago.
posted by wil forbis 2/24/2001 11:39:43 PM

Thursday, February 22, 2001
Speaking of great songs. I find that I never tire of Zep's Houses of the Holy. I actually listened to that thing everyday for a year. I know I've said this before, but those snooty mofo's that complain about Zeppelin being misogynistic cock-rockers should get stuffed. If they had it their way the entire world would be listening to Bjork.

One thing I don't get about the Grammies: Steely Dan won "Album of the Year" (finally) and U2 won "Record of the Year." What the fuck's the difference? Why isn't there a "Tape of the Year" or "CD of the Year?" I've always thought the grammies seeemed pretty corrupt anyway.

Heh, this guys pretty amusing.
posted by wil forbis 2/22/2001 06:24:30 PM

Wednesday, February 21, 2001
Hey, Saleeby, what about "Here Come's the Regular" or whatever it's called by the Replacements? That's definately going on my list. I remember living in Hollywood 10 years ago and coming back from one of my all night drives listening to that song. It had a very slow-mo feel to it, as if I was in some sort of strange MTV video directed by the guy who did the film "Belly."

So what the hell... Napster is offering to pay the music industry a billion dollars to settle their dispute. Where does a yet-to-see-profit start up without any legitimate business model get a billion dollars? I thought we left all this nonsense behind in the internet crash. If Fanning has any sense he'll take the money and run to Bermuda.
posted by wil forbis 2/21/2001 10:18:31 AM

Tuesday, February 20, 2001
I was thinking the other day of those songs... Songs that just get into your head and won't let go...Songs that have that unidentifiable thing that makes them like a drug, so much so that you'll sell your television, break into cars and whore out your little sister just to hear them. You know the songs I'm talking about, don't you? I thought I'd start to compile a list of great songs in my life. Perhaps it will inspire other Acid Logic Blogsters to do the same? (Note: Saleeb, it's the only way you're gonna get your sister back!)

Here they are listed by song title, artist and album.

Video Killed the Radio Star - The Buggles, Living in the Plastic Age

Straight Up - Paula Abdual, Forever Your Girl

The Girls of Porn - Mr. Bungle, ? (the first album, whatever it's called.)

Dress Cool - Paul Shafer, (don't know if this was ever recorded, I saw it on Friday NIght Videos about 15 years ago.)

Elstree - The Buggles, Living in the Plastic Age

He Man Woman Hater - Extreme, Pornographitti

What if God Was One of Us - Joan Osbourne, ?

Killer of Giants - Ozzy Osbourne, The Ultimate Sin

I'll do more later
posted by wil forbis 2/20/2001 06:09:57 PM

Sunday, February 18, 2001
So You Wanna Be a Rock and Roll Star?

You know, I thought I'd take an opportunity to use the Blogger to write, to really write my thoughts, sort of like all those faggy blogs you see from the dirge of teenagers out there, who post their meandering thoughts on the web as if it all really mattered, as if someone really cared what they thought about abortion or President Bush or what their boyfriend said to them last Friday in American History. In their youthfull niavete they don’t realize that it’s all pointless, that soon enough a giant meteor will smash into earth destroying us all…

I'm listening to a very well done piece of music right now. It's a Beach Boys style series of composition with depressing lyrics done by my homeslice, Neslo. Really, good, good stuff, perhaps the best music ever done by someone I knew... you know, a friend of acquaintance. And that's saying a lot as I've known some really talented motherfuckers. Even before I was listening into this Neslo bit, I was listening to an old band of mine, Fish Vomit, and I'd forgotten how sharp some of that stuff was. Good songwriting, good playing, and a really well recorded demo tape, courtesy of Ken Hahn.

So why is Neslo in Florida working in a video shop? Why did Fish Vomit never go anywhere? Why are 90% of the musicians I knew that were any good still sitting around on their arses eating mud twinkies? I've pondered... pontificated on music and the music business for years... over a decade now. I've read books, seen people signed, dropped, watched the whole music biz go through its cycles like a woman's ovulations... and it still baffles me. I think there's several factors that come into play. For one, you do need good songs... that might seem anathema to some who insists that KISS or the Backstreet Boys have never had good material, but I think you have to admit, that by a certain criterion most bands at the top have "good songs." They might not be particularly interesting, or innovative songs, but they do fit into a general standard of what good songwriting is: under four minutes, strong use of diatonic chord progressions, repetitive choruses that reinforce the "catchiness" of the song. (Looking at one of my old bands, Doctor Zoom, I see that one thing we lacked were repetitive, catchy choruses. Rather, our choruses were more verse form, without repeating lyrics.) So, yeah, good songs is one thing. What's next? Well, I'll tell ya, good looks never hurt anyone (unless you're on the receiving end of them.) Of course, you'd think any band blessed to have the inclusion of my well chiseled mug would be headed to the top, but strangely even my well coifed appearance wasn't enough to reverse the downward flow of gravity. But, man, sometimes good looks can be all you need. You really think Bush would’ve gotten anywhere without whatsishisname. (I mean Bush the band, not the President.) I think even their most strident fans would have to admit Bush’s songwriting, shall we say, "sucks bat penises." By the same token, No Doubt undoubtedly benefited by the fact that Gwen Stephani is totally gorgeous (not to say their songwriting isn't decent, but they never could've made it on songwriting alone.)

Okay, songwriting and looks. But that doesn't explain every band does it. What about the early Stones, what about Breeder, what about L7, what about Deicide...? Well, there's another element that has to be weighed into the whole thing... Coolness. Coolness is perhaps the most difficult to measure in the trinity of rock success requirements. Coolness in itself is essentially a ridiculous and constantly changing concept. What is cool in one decade is square in the next, then cool again in the one after that, we all know the drill. But what makes a band cool. Currently, At The Drive In seem to be cool. U2 have become cool again. AC/DC isn't cool anymore (but still rock some serious pussy!) Is cool just a matter of appealing to rock critics who tend to favor simplistic music with supposedly profound lyrics (see entries for The Doors, or The Velvet Underground. (Dream Theater were never cool.) Well, maybe partly. But it's also about creating a buzz, gettin' a street vibe going. Essentially getting yourself known in the confusing world of teenagers. Teenagers have always been the X factor in rock music, despite the industry’s attempts to mold them. Who ever saw house music or techno coming? No-one but the teens. Who ever saw punk rising up from independent labels and zines into the mainstream. It wouldn't have happened if not for that work of that elusive creature, the teen. Teens and young adults probably place more importance on music than any other social group. It defines them, it is their uniform, and in the omnipresent search for identity that hits us all in the time of teenhood, they grasp out to ever minute layers of obscurity to find their defining tool, their music.

I dunno... that's all I can saw about it right now. "Relic Hunter" is coming on.

posted by wil forbis 2/18/2001 01:35:22 PM

Saturday, February 17, 2001
Saw the remnents of a pretty crazy accident coming back from Sunnyvale CA. I was driving down 80 east and suddenly traffic ground to a halt. Turned out the left lane was blocked off because their was an upside down car lying in it, facing the wrong direction. (If there's a right direction for an upside down car to face.) I guess some guy was driving on 80 West and went up the road, hopped the dividing island in some way and ended up in that position. Crazy stuff.

posted by wil forbis 2/17/2001 08:43:55 PM

Wednesday, February 14, 2001
Hey forgot to mention, John Saleeby had a birthday at some point recently (within the past year.) Don't know how old his is, but he used to read CREEM magazine so you gotta figure at least a hundred.

I was reading in the newest Vanity Fair that Laura Flynn Boyle is having a relationship with Jack Nicholson?!! The guy interviewing her seemed to handle it rather coyly, but man, the mental image of Jack's globby frame flopping on top of a naked Laura like a trout on land only brings tears of laughter to my eyes. Have you seen him in "The Pledge"? He looks like Grampa Munster. How is this stuff possible?

Not to say I wouldn't happily jump out of water to do the trout tango on Ms. Bolye's seaport. Congrats Jack. You said it about all work and no play....
posted by wil forbis 2/14/2001 10:39:07 PM

Monday, February 12, 2001
Are you a fan of frogs? Then you'll enjoy The Somewhat Amusing World of Frogs. Or how about A Thousand Friends of Frogs a site dedicated to "Connecting children, parents, educators, and scientists
to study and celebrate frogs and their habitats." Think about it, when's the last time you "celebrated" frogs? It's been too long, I assure you.

Frog haters will enjoy Deformed
Frogs in Minnesota

posted by wil forbis 2/12/2001 10:59:57 AM

Sunday, February 11, 2001
It occurred to me recently that the entire environmental movement is doomed to failure. I mean, scientists have been able to say with total certainty that at some point the earth will be destroyed. Some other planet with get knocked out of its planetary rotation and hit earth, or the sun will explode, or we'll get hit by a comet, but at some point it's going down. At best we just keep things going a couple million more years but that's the blink of an eye according to the universe.

Sometime people argue that we have to keep nature strong and that the worst thing that could happen to the earth would be for it to become a barren rocky husk, but I don't know about that. Does the universe really put any more value on a living creature than a rock?
posted by wil forbis 2/11/2001 11:02:56 PM

Saturday, February 10, 2001
PIcked up a batch of new tapes last weekend including Julian Lennons "The Secret Value of DayDreaming." Quite good, it has a very radio friendly song entitled "Stick Around" which I assume was meant to be the hit single. The whole tape has a very New Wave eighties sound with slightly more advanced songwriting. It's a shame things didn't work out for him. I think his efforts are more commedable than whatever nonsense Sean Lennon has been dreaming up with his mother. Sean was actually in the New Yorker a while back, explaining the government conspiracy to kill his father...

Also picked up a bunch of Kiss songs and some Jason and the Scorchers. Not a bad haul.
posted by wil forbis 2/10/2001 09:05:34 PM

Wednesday, February 07, 2001
Ever think about how sneezes are like orgasms for your nose?
posted by wil forbis 2/7/2001 11:11:19 PM

Tuesday, February 06, 2001
Hey, Pete, Saleeb... if you have any problems logging on to blogger, try clicking the "Sign Out" button and then you should be able to sign back in. If you don't know what I'm talking about, ignore me.

I really feel like declaring war against RSUB, Razorfish's collection of arty, trendy, supposedly cutting edge ezines. This really is another example of a bunch of snooty college educated technoyuppies "buying" a piece of alternative culture to keep their minds off monkey scrotum fondling or whatever they do in their spare time... I really like accusing people of "monkey scrotum fondling"... in my world that's about as low as you can go. You got a perfectly innocent monkey hanging around and some guy has to come up and start fondling his testicals. Fondle your own damn testicals! Leave the monkey alone!

Anyway, yeah... RSUB sucks. They're run by Razorfish, the big design firm. If you go to the Razorfish page, it's all about "We just appointed Harry Scrotumfondler, C.E.O of Applied Technologies and Marketing" or the usual techno-marketing-babble, then you get to RSUB and they're yacking about saving the Dalia Lama or just a plain ol' ordinary Lama. Talk about having your cake and eating it too. Nonetheless, I know Razorfish is trading far below it's original asking price.

Some people might say I'm just jealous of RSUB because they're more sucessful than Acid Logic, but I say those people are monkey scrotum fondlers.
posted by wil forbis 2/6/2001 10:47:21 PM

Saturday, February 03, 2001
Well, it's been a pretty mediocre saturday. I spent most of the morning navigating around Sacremento's Arden mall area and I swear to never return there on a weekend. I'm really starting to relate to those snooty french fuckers who say they hate all americans. We really are a beastly race.

Then I returned home to check email. As I'm having problems sending email, I get less and less interesting material in my inbox. This time it was a invitation to a party I can't go to and a guy responding to an Acid Logic article about Michael Schenker that I didn't even write calling me "a fucking idiot, who obviously knows nothing about rock or guitar."

posted by wil forbis 2/3/2001 04:36:39 PM

Thursday, February 01, 2001
You know, I think most people would agree with me when I say that I am not someone inordinately interested in sexuality. And I am not one who judges women solely on their physical appearence while ignoring their finer attributes. But I have to say, I was watching "Just Shoot Me" this evening and WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED TO LAURA SAN GIACOMO'S BREASTS? They're huge! Was it just that red sweater she was wearing or has she undergone some sort of operation? Frankly, it ruins the show for me, I have extreme difficulty being aroused and having my funnybone tickled at the same time. That was a big problem I used to have with the National Lampoon of the seventies. They would have these photographed comic skits with naked women and that always destroyed the comedy for me.

I continue to believe that "Friends" is a great show. However, top honors of the current television season go to "Will and Grace" What a fucking funny show. I don't know what they're planning to put on this new Gay television network but if it's 24 hour reruns of "Will and Grace" you can paint me pink and call me Nancy. I've always admired the way gay culture admires a quick wit has an inane interest in pointless trivia. I could be quite the gay man if I didn't love Laura San Giacomo's breasts.
posted by wil forbis 2/1/2001 11:13:10 PM

View these other exciting Acid Logic blogs...
London Crawling - By Tarryn Stewart
Immerse yourself in tales from across the Atlantic as Tarryn recounts her adventures and offers helpful advice and magical incantations.
Break The Mirror - By Jesss Morel
Try your damndest to keep up with the visceral, tangential world of Jesss Morel.
Piss and Vinegar - the Blog of Pete Moss
Pete Moss makes home in a world few dare tread. A place of classic motorcycles, celebrity hobnobbing, drug fueled ruminations and an endless love affair with female genitalia.
Rancor and Disdain - By Cody Wayne
A page devoted to daily revelatory thoughts, usually involving graphic references to sexual anatomy and the goo that said parts squirt, tales of real-life craziness, and often times referring to love and the collective consciousness of the Universe...
An Ordinary Boy - By Alex Kidd
View the flavorful writing styles of a 20 something bipolar living on the corner of insanity and absolute bliss. Don't come here looking for a good time. Unfiltered, uncouth, and no cat pictures. (WARNING: Some porn and human deformities... often in the same image.)
Jihad Against Cowardice: A Defense of Bill Maher's Politically Incorrect
An archived blog protesting ABC cancellation of Politically Incorrect. Contains an overview of some of the last shows.

Other Quality Crap:
***Armored Soul - You can check out some of my music here
*The Diskant Blog
Four Color Hell
* Mike Whybark
* Herr Doktor Frank
* Yes, even I link to Salam Pax
* Marie Gryphon
*Mike Daisey
*Miss Jenn
*Oliver Willis
*Greg Kitten
*Creature of Comfort
*The Morning News
*Research Kitchen
*Zack Punk
*Painted Lady
*Bazima Chronicles
*Blinding Nerve Pain
*Luke Ford, Enemy of Porn (And therefore my enemy)
*POV Online