Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos

I took Comic Books very seriously when I was a kid. If only we had come up with the idea of calling them "Graphic Novels" back then! But we didn't even have gay characters in Archie Comics in those days so I won't beat myself up about it. Was it the gay character in Archie Comics who came up with the "Graphic Novel" thing? But now when I look at all of my old Comic Books from when I was a kid I think I may have taken the whole thing a bit too seriously. For one thing, the mere fact that I still have all of my old Comic Books after all these years is kind of disturbing. But to be a bit less commonsensical about things before I stop writing an Acid Logic article and do something for The Weekly Standard, why do I have so many Sgt. Rock And Easy Company Comic Books and just a few Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos Comic Books? I'm sure you're all familiar with my 2006 Acid Logic article about Sgt. Rock "Our Army At War" Comic Books. We don't have to provide a link to it, do we? You've already read it over and over again cause it's so great, right? Right? Why sure you have! You have read it, haven't you? You read all my stuff, don't you? Oh, give em the god damn link! (Acid Logic Editor Wil Forbis - A link to it? You're lucky it's still on the site!) Now, when I was a kid "Our Army At War" was my idea of a War Comic - Realistic, grim in tone . . . Geez, I'm getting sleepy already! In contast to Sgt. Rock, Nick Fury was just silly, goofy in tone . . . "tone"? What are we talking about here? Comic Books or a picture of Ashley Tisdale on the beach in People magazine? If she was in a Comic Book she would be Betty in an Archie Comic and that gay character is just nuts. It should be pretty obvious whether Sgt. Rock or Nick Fury was the bigger influence on me as a Writer. How would you describe my Writing in Acid Logic? "Realistic, grim" or "Silly, goofy"? Oh, I forgot, nobody ever reads my Writing in Acid Logic - "Realistic, grim" SUCKS! Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos were created by Marvel Comics Legends Stan Lee and Jack Kirby in 1963. Everything Lee and Kirby came up with in those days was a Smash Hit and Lee came up with "Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos" just to prove that he could make a successful series even with The Worst Title Of All Time. Is Stan working at ABC these days? "Don't Trust The B---- In Apt. 23" was his idea, right? "Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos" is pretty awful now that I think of it (And now that it's got me thinking, when the hell is Forbis going to fork over some of that money he owes me? Ow, my head hurts!) Let's quote Lee while I put an icebag in my hat - "First of all, it was too long for a title. We didn't have any that were more than six words." Six words? If Fiona Apple had been working at Marvel Comics it would have been "Nick Fury The Dude That Never Shaves And All Of Those Crazy Bastards He Calls The Howling Commandos Running Around Killing Krauts And Breaking Shit". If Fiona Apple had been working at Marvel Comics - Are they still doing "MAD TV"? Should I bother typing that up? Yes, Nick Fury Comic Books are silly and goofy and after all I've been through in the past few coupla years that's how I likes my entertainment - Silly and goofy. And in that spirit I am now proud to present . . . Fifteen Pages Of Booger Jokes! (Please don't make me cut out fifteen pages of booger jokes - Acid Logic Editor Wil Forbis) During the Battle of Waterloo Napoleon used the distraction of a British Cavalry charge to put his finger in his nose and - (I'll go out and get two large black coffees and a case of Red Bull - Acid Logic Editor Wil Forbis) Fighting the Nazis in the Second World War was a very nasty, unpleasant business. Men were getting killed and wounded. Blood and body parts were flying all over the place. It was quite possible that Adolf Hitler would become Master of the Human Race. And have you heard the fuckin' Music people were listening to in the Forties? The Andrews Sisters, Man - THE ANDREWS SISTERS!!! If "Our Army At War" had been around during World War Two there would have been even more draft dodgers than during Vietnam. Grim times call for Goofy entertainment. John Wayne wasn't the Number One Movie Star during World War Two, you know - Abbott And Costello were. "Abbott And Costello Meet Frankenstein" was supposed to be "Abbott And Costello Meet John Wayne" but The Duke was afraid The Andrews Sisters would be involved and shot himself in the foot. I've read a lot of Comic Books in my time - If Hitler had won the War I'd go along with the "Graphic Novel" thing - but I've never seen a sillier bunch of characters than Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos. Let's compare how they sound while going into battle compared to Sgt. Rock And Easy Company. Here's a sample from "The Medal That Nobody Wanted" (October 1973) -

The Howling Commandos don't just have crazy names, they're a bunch of characters in a Comic Book created by the same lunatics that came up with The Incredible Hulk and that guy who was made out of rocks and wore jockeys so nobody could see his rocky genitalia! It's PSYCHOTIC!

John Saleeby wrote for The National Lampoon while he was in high school, was a stand up comic in New York, and has contributed to the net humor zines Schmuck.com, Campaign Central, and the legendary American Jerk. He's on medication now so he's probably a little nicer now than he was when you met him earlier. Email - jacksaleeby1@hotmail.com

Dude, partake of some other Motherfucking Masterpieces! Iggy Pop's "Party" by John Saleeby With the arrival of the 80's, Iggy Pop turned to one man to resurrect his career: Ivan Kral! Heavy Metal by Wil Forbis This animated film from the 80's had more naked alien chicks than you could shake a phallicized laser pistol at. Scanners by Johnny Apocalypse Was Scanners a parable about out of control corporations or just an excuse to show exploding heads? Repo Man by Wil Forbis Packed with dead aliens, punk rock angst and Harry Dean Stanton in the role of his career, Alex Cox's cinematic masterpiece defined the term "cult film." RoboCop by John Saleeby Peter Weller shines as the clanking crimefighter in need of axel grease. Falling Down by Wil Forbis The final defense of the angry white male. Office Space by Wil Forbis Mike Judge, creator of Beavis and Butthead, satirizes the modern deskjob. Mr. Bungle by Wil Forbis The maniacal album that inspired tens, even dozens of musicians to become agro/metal/funk fanatics. Remember the clowns! Body Count by Cody Wayne Ice-T's hardcore metal group, famous for their ode to cop killin', get their due. John Carpenter's "The Thing" by Cody Wayne John Carpenter redefined the horror genre with his study of arctic isolation and shape shifting aliens. And here's more!