Nick Fury and the Howling Commandos

Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos

By John Saleeby
May 1, 2012


I took Comic Books very seriously when I was a kid. If only we had come up with the idea of calling them "Graphic Novels" back then! But we didn't even have gay characters in Archie Comics in those days so I won't beat myself up about it. Was it the gay character in Archie Comics who came up with the "Graphic Novel" thing? But now when I look at all of my old Comic Books from when I was a kid I think I may have taken the whole thing a bit too seriously. For one thing, the mere fact that I still have all of my old Comic Books after all these years is kind of disturbing. But to be a bit less commonsensical about things before I stop writing an Acid Logic article and do Ratzi bastids look out!!something for The Weekly Standard, why do I have so many Sgt. Rock And Easy Company Comic Books and just a few Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos Comic Books? I'm sure you're all familiar with my 2006 Acid Logic article about Sgt. Rock "Our Army At War" Comic Books. We don't have to provide a link to it, do we? You've already read it over and over again cause it's so great, right? Right? Why sure you have! You have read it, haven't you? You read all my stuff, don't you? Oh, give em the god damn link! (Acid Logic Editor Wil Forbis - A link to it? You're lucky it's still on the site!) Now, when I was a kid "Our Army At War" was my idea of a War Comic - Realistic, grim in tone . . . Geez, I'm getting sleepy already! In contast to Sgt. Rock, Nick Fury was just silly, goofy in tone . . . "tone"? What are we talking about here? Comic Books or a picture of Ashley Tisdale on the beach in People magazine? If she was in a Comic Book she would be Betty in an Archie Comic and that gay character is just nuts. It should be pretty obvious whether Sgt. Rock or Nick Fury was the bigger influence on me as a Writer. How would you describe my Writing in Acid Logic? "Realistic, grim" or "Silly, goofy"? Oh, I forgot, nobody ever reads my Writing in Acid Logic - "Realistic, grim" SUCKS! Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos were created by Marvel Comics Legends Stan Lee and Jack Kirby in 1963. Everything Lee and Kirby came up with in those days was a Smash Hit and Lee came up with "Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos" just to prove that he could make a successful series even with The Worst Title Of All Time. Is Stan working at ABC these days? "Don't Trust The B---- In Apt. 23" was his idea, right? "Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos" is pretty awful now that I think of it (And now that it's got me thinking, when the hell is Forbis going to fork over some of that money he owes me? Ow, my head hurts!) Let's quote Lee while I put an icebag in my hat - "First of all, it was too long for a title. We didn't have any that were more than six words." Six words? If Fiona Apple had been working at Marvel Comics it would have been "Nick Fury The Dude That Never Shaves And All Of Those Crazy Bastards He Calls The Howling Commandos Running Around Killing Krauts And Breaking Shit". If Fiona Apple had been working at Marvel Comics - Are they still doing "MAD TV"? Should I bother typing that up? Yes, Nick Fury Comic Books are silly and goofy and after all I've been through in the past few coupla years that's how I likes my entertainment - Silly and goofy. And in that spirit I am now proud to present . . . Fifteen Pages Of Booger Jokes! (Please don't make me cut out fifteen pages of booger jokes - Acid Logic Editor Wil Forbis) During the Battle of Waterloo Napoleon used the distraction of a British Cavalry charge to put his finger in his nose and - (I'll go out and get two large black coffees and a case of Red Bull - Acid Logic Editor Wil Forbis) Fighting the Nazis in the Second World War was a very nasty, unpleasant business. Men were getting killed and wounded. Blood and body parts were flying all over the place. It was quite possible that Adolf Hitler would become Master of the Human Race. And have you heard the fuckin' Music people were listening to in the Forties? The Andrews Sisters, Man - THE ANDREWS SISTERS!!! If "Our Army At War" had been around during World War Two there would have been even more draft dodgers than during Vietnam. Grim times call for Goofy entertainment. John Wayne wasn't the Number One Movie Star during World War Two, you know - Abbott And Costello were. "Abbott And Costello Meet Frankenstein" was supposed to be "Abbott And Costello Meet John Wayne" but The Duke was afraid The Andrews Sisters would be involved and shot himself in the foot. I've read a lot of Comic Books in my time - If Hitler had won the War I'd go along with the "Graphic Novel" thing - but I've never seen a sillier bunch of characters than Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos. Let's compare how they sound while going into battle compared to Sgt. Rock And Easy Company. Here's a sample from "The Medal That Nobody Wanted" (October 1973) -

ROCK: Infiltrators! Roll em back or we'll never reach the lines! Push em, Easy! Get in close! Push em! Stop em here, guys!

Rock gets all the lines? That's as bad as "Saturday Night Live" when Eddie Murphy was on it! But when Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos start fighting in "Berlin Breakout" (October 1972) -

DUM DUM: Okay, Howlers - It's Action Time!
IZZY: Here's a little Judo Chop I learned at Okinowa , Fritz!
NAZI: We should not have been so overconfident!
DUM DUM: Funny you should mention that, Kraut! I was about to say the same thing myself. But I'm too natcherly polite!
NAZI: Fools! Don't you realize your struggles are useless?
IZZY: Shucks, that's what all you Nazis say!

Damn! Take Easy Company off duty long enough to take a few Improv Classes at the Upright Citizens Brigade before the Battle Of The Bulge breaks out!


The ThingThe Howling Commandos don't just have crazy names, they're a bunch of characters in a Comic Book created by the same lunatics that came up with The Incredible Hulk and that guy who was made out of rocks and wore jockeys so nobody could see his rocky genitalia! It's PSYCHOTIC!

And, yeah - Dum Dum, Izzy, The Howlers are such a crazy buncha guys they're like a Kids In The Hall parody of Easy Company, only genuinely funny and nobody dresses up like the guys in Monty Python . . . I mean, nobody dresses up like a bunch of women. Yeah, Easy Company had guys with names like Bulldozer and Ice Cream Soldier but they're a regular bunch of guys in a Comic Book for kids. Like Dino Manelli, a US Army Soldier modeled on Dean Martin! Or Rebel Ralston, a Down Home Southern Boy who paved the way for Jeff Foxworthy, Larry The Cable Guy, Ron White, and that other Blue Collar Comedy guy who isn't funny. He would have been in Easy Company or The Kids In The Hall. And don't forget Percival "Pinky" Pinkerton, a British Commando who always carries an umbrella and says things like "I say, old chap!" or "Pip pip, tally ho!" "Pinky" was based on David Niven and I don't get the feeling that Jack Kirby and Stan Lee were very big David Niven fans. I like him in "The Guns Of Navarone"! Dean Martin was supposed to play that role but Dino couldn't be bothered to go to Europe to shoot it so they hired David Niven, Who would they have hired if Anthony Quinn turned em down, Angela Lansbury? Ha ha ha!! Well, I had to sneak at least one gag into this thing! And then to really give me something to write three hundred pages of really messed up shit about, after all those Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos Comic Books over the years, Stan Lee finally let on that "Pinky" was GAY!!! You heard that, Archie Comics douchebags? Stan Lee had a GAY character in Marvel Comics forty years before you and your lame gay character! Stick to drawing sexy pictures of really hot teenage chicks and get the hell outta here!

(That's about it, Folks. Maybe there was some other stuff about Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos after the three hundred pages of slop Saleeby wrote about that Pinky guy but I couldn't make it past the ninety two page comedy bit about Elton John and David Bowie as RAF Fighter Pilots in The Battle Of Britain. Sorry. - Wil Forbis, Acid Logic Editor)

(I didn't really write that shit! - Wil Forbis, Acid Logic Editor)


John Saleeby wrote for The National Lampoon while he was in high school, was a stand up comic in New York, and has contributed to the net humor zines, Campaign Central, and the legendary American Jerk. He's on medication now so he's probably a little nicer now than he was when you met him earlier. Email -

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