By Pete Moss
Bruno might not be the brightest dog that ever lived.
But it's ok letting him live in the crawl space under the house. I just have to keep reminding him not to let the humans see him when he comes and goes.
I can't have him staying under the house all the time. For one thing his turds are really huge and stink really bad. I don't know what that dog eats.
OK, I do know what he eats. He eats whatever he can out of the garbage cans.
He really doesn't have any human. I'll have to introduce him to my humans. I hope they let him hang around. He could be an OK guard dog.
I could teach him. It might be a job, but I could do it.
It's not easy being a guard dog. The main thing you have to learn is which humans are with your humans, and you have to learn it fast.
Some guard dogs think all you have to do is bark at every human that's not one of yours. But it's not that simple. Humans are pack animals like dogs but human packs are much less organized. Keeping track of the comings and goings and shifting alliances of the humans is a full time job.
Then there's Daisy. I still haven't finished digging under that fence. Her human knows something is up. Every time I go over to Daisy's place she's either locked up or her human is in the yard. I see her walking on a leash.
I know she's not fixed. Her human probably doesn't want puppies right now. Well, the human should get her fixed.
I know Daisy is not a regular dog. I know she's the type of dog humans prize. The kind of dog who's puppies can be traded for money.
That's how humans are. Meddling in our natural selection and then treating the offspring as a product to be traded for money.
Well I'm gonna Daisy get out of that, whether she knows that's what she wants or not.
But anyway, I know the humans are up to something. Time is running out.
The humans have been talking amongst themselves and I can smell the anxiety.
Probably they want to migrate.
Which is OK with me. Get away from all these bullets that keep flying around.
"Will you come to San Diego?" I say to Spela.
"Uhm...well," says Spela.
"So you won't?"
"Maybe. For a week or so, at first."
"What about me?" says YoYo.
"You want to come to San Diego?"
"Sure. I always wanted to learn to surf," says YoYo.
"Black people don't surf," says Jonathan.
"Says who?" says YoYo. "That makes me want to do it even more."
"Can you swim?" says Dragen.
"Sure," says YoYo.
We all look at her.
"What you all looking at? You think it's like black people melt if they go in water?"
"We're getting off track here," says Dragen.
"What you going to do?" I say to Jonathan.
"I'm not moving to San Diego, not even a little bit," says Jonathan.
"So when should I go?" I say.
"I'd say the sooner the better," says Dragen.
"What about Pedro?" I say.
"We ain't leaving him here," says YoYo.
Spela has borrowed Jonathan's phone. She holds it up to me. "Looks like there's a place where mobile dwellers park up along Pacific Highway. North of some neighborhood called Old Town," she says.
I look at the pictures on the phone. "I guess that could work," I say.
YoYo takes the phone and has a look. "That don't look half bad," says YoYo.
"How do we all stay in touch?" I say. "I mean you are going to keep an eye on this place. If you find out who's behind all this harrassment maybe talk them out of it so I know when to come back."
"There's Facebook," says Spela.
"Facebook isn't secure," says Jonathan. "Me and my boys use Reddit. Much more anonymous."
"There's plain old e-mail," says Dragen.
"Talk about unsecure," says Spela.
"Nothing is really secure nowadays," I say.
"If you use old fashioned E-mail nobody would suspect it. Who uses E-mail these days?" says Dragen.
"Old guy has a point," says Jonathan. "Just pick out a real obscure screen name and keep it to yourself."
"And use some antique service, like hotmail," says Dragen.
"I have to think about it," I say. But I don't. Have to think about it. I've pretty much made up my mind to go spend some time in San Diego. I'll think of it as an extended vacation. Get away from all this Invisible Hand of the Market bullshit in the Bay Area.