By Max Burbank
16 , 2001
A Delicate Tautology
- By Heinz Feisen
Puckish yet tightly constructed, Feisen's long awaited debut novel fulfills
the promise of his spare, Zen-like contributions to "Humor in a Uniform."
Unintentionally freed by a providential series of typos, Mental Patient
August Mole haunts fin de cycle Vienna in the mistaken belief he is
a Private Detective. "The Case of the Mysterious Client", as Mole describes
his new life, develops in fits and starts, like an old Disney Nature
Short featuring strange plants growing, blooming and inevitably dying
in time lapse that you rented with Shrek, children's titles being two-for-one,
and it's dusty box calling to you from the stacks in the voice of the
child you once were, although in retrospect it seems more likely to
have been an actual child hailing a peer who shares with you nothing
more than your name, since though you keep trying to watch the damn
thing, but find yourself in a Kitchen, a bathroom, an attic dormer overlooking
the window of a neighbor who can't be bothered to buy drapes. Feisen's
fondness for brutally graphic perversion offers welcome counterpoint
to detailed esoterica on such subjects as Victorian Pipe-fitting and
the forensic uses of petrified sidewalk gum.
Cha-Cha-Cha! - By Peyson Hillendale
Hillendale's twenty-seventh novel gives lie to the notion that really
thick books put off idiots. Narrated yet again by Harold 'Chesty' Mullcaster,
if you tear out the seven hundred odd pages of 'period detail' that
legions of addled, blue haired "Chesty-ites" could easily quote from
the twenty-six previous books, you'll find your beach bag less cumbersome
and the heretofore unnoticed puckish yet homoerotic menace of Mullcaster's
chauffeur Clyde will shine that much more brightly.
A Blackmailed Neighbor - By Garrick Allen
(Bee-Line, make me an offer)
I found this while organizing my late Uncle's estate sale. While somewhat
dated and presumably mildew stained, this second paperback printing,
originally titled "The Widow Was Ready!" remains a puckish comedy of
manners and surprisingly hot.
Meat Grinder, collected poems 1972-2000
- By Hermione Wank-Phestical
(Random House, You need to know the price, what are you, the Library
of friggin' Congress?)
I hate Poetry. Puckish.
My Wife is Not a Yeti! A Memoir - By
Mullen 'Coodles' Messerson
The historical memoir, already on it's way down the stairs, gets a trip
wire and a shove from surprisingly breathing off ventilator Vaudevillian
'Coodles' whom historians of the theater often overlook because he wasn't
funny and his dancing so closely resembled epilepsy that Doctors were
known to leap on stage during the performance. Ironically, though he
now requires two canes to walk, his writing is awful.
Bodonoi: A Man and his Typeface - By
(Princeton University Press, Gum)
A fine follow up to last years The Stamp Hinge; A philatelist's History,
this puckishly slim volume should prove of great interest to those with
an obsessive fixation on fonts, but it doesn't.
John Adams: Skank - By Hugh JaSchvance
(Simon & Shyster, $35.00)
Poor timing for the release of an Adam's biography is compounded by
the author seeming to be thinking of someone else. Puckishly inaccurate
descriptions of our Second President as a "Towering dipsomaniacal Transvestite
given to sudden fits of weeping, overly fond of the eye poke and kidney
punch" combine with unlikely anecdotes (During a State dinner the President
sneaks off to give Barbara Streisand a swirly) sourced by 'some very
close friends', making this a book that could have been much better
had the author only died before writing it.
Jurassic Park III - By Max Burbank
(Dreamworks QuickyPress, $6.95)
Insouciant, effervescent, spangly, extra Puckish with a Woody yet Sepia
Toned afterbite, incandescent to the point of needing really dark glasses,
this rarest of rare rarities, a novelization better than the book upon
which a franchise was based sings like a Musical Saw played with Ozarkian
mastery by an appallingly Inbred idiot Savant of the Musical Saw. This
is the sort of young author (and thirty-nine is indeed young when compared
with say ninety-eight or perhaps a Hundred-and-Three) who might well
quit his day job were he published more, and buying multiple copies
of his book could go a long way towards achieving that laudable goal.
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