Hear it for Thog-Zar!
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By Zog Fug
January 16th, 200000456 B.C.
am Zog Fug and me know that everybody (and me do mean everybody)
knows THog-Zar. He has been a part of our tribe for many moons.
But me think that not everybody fully appreciate what THog-Zar
has done for our tribe. After all, Thog-Zar not like to draw
attention to himself - THog-Zar quiet and reserved. So me
write this article so everybody (and me do mean everybody)
will appreciate THog-Zar.
|What great idea THog-Zar think up next?
like THog-Zar because he use head muscle just as much as he
use arm muscle. (If Zog Fug use head muscle as much as THog-Zar,
he have headache. Ha Ha. At least that what Mrs. Fug say.)
For example, what do we do when the moon passes over us three
times? We pack up our shit and go south to warm, happy place.
But how we know to wait for three moons? It was THog-Zar who
many rotations ago counted the moon's passing and discovered
that cold times come before the fourth moon. Me remember because
me was there. THog-Zar told everyone we should leave, but
not everybody listen. Bog-Boggoth and his crew say THog-Zar
crazy and they stay behind. (Good riddance!) When we return
after 9 passings of the moon we find the bones of Bog-Boggoth
being piked clean by giant jungle cat. Ha! Everybody laugh
at stupid Bog-Boggoth. Children use his skull for soccer ball.
that not all THog-Zar do. Everybody say, "Who invent
wheel?" I say "THog-Zar invent wheel." I remember
when Thog-Zar come to group meeting and say "Square bad,
circle good!" Big Grok say, "THog-Zar wrong. Square
good. Circle bad." THog-Zar take circle rock and smash
open Big Grok's skull. And that is how Thog-Zar invent wheel.
then say, "The circular shape of this rock could also
be used as an impedence free tool to transport objects.")
Fug just remind me: THog-Zar also make great stride for the
rights of women in our tribe. Remember when man used to mate
with women by hitting her over head with big stick and dragging
her back to cave by her hair? It was THog-Zar who say this
was wrong. He say: Hit woman over head with big stick, then
carry her (not drag by hair) back to cave.
Many women thank THog-Zar for his idea. One time, Thog-Zar
even say to me, "Sometimes, I think women might even
be equal to men." Ha! This show THog-Zar not afraid to
have sense of humor.
else great about Thog-Zar? They say that 20 moons ago, Mug-Floggo
discovered how to tame fire. But I saw it was Thog-Zar who
took this discovery and gave it practical application. Mug-Floggo
only use fire to keep warm and cook animal meats. But when
our tribe was attacked by enemy Howling Donkey tribe it was
THog-Zar who suggest setting spears on fire and throwing at
Howling Donkey women and children. How will Howling Dockeys
have babies when women all burned up? Ha! We give them something
howl about that day. Good job, THog-Zar!
count moons, invent wheel, give women rights, use fire and
do much more for our tribe. Me say Thog-Zar have a pretty
good record. So let's hear it for Thog-Zar!
Fug has been leader of the Fierce Owl tribe for many rotations.
His accomplishments include banishing Big-Tooth, mating with
six females in one day, and designing a prototype space station
made out of dust and hair. He has been known to make words
in Scrabble that are up to 4 characters long.